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hollybrookeLast time on "Jem," Malone the private eye broke into the drive-in where Jerrica and the rest of the girls were hiding Synergy. He started smashing Synergy with a chair, and Synergy alerted Jerrica. When they got back to the drive-in, the girls saw Synergy in pieces, but it was just a hologram. Nevertheless, the girls--after finding out that the detective was sent by Eric--decided to load Synergy up and take the whole console back to the Mansion. Malone showed his pictures to Eric of Synergy, and deduced that Jerrica and Jem MUST be the same person, and Eric was all, "That's crap, but I want that....thing." The Misfits got desperate to screw things up for Jem and the Holograms, but then Ashley dropped by and decided that the Misfits weren't very good friends and gave them the $30 back. Eric realized who she was, and decided to kidnap her and use her as blackmail. He called Jerrica hours before the Battle of the Bands and told her to collect Ashley within a half hour--ALONE--or else. This meant they'd miss the BOTB, but they decided Ashley's safety was more important than winning. The Misfits didn't want to "babysit" Ashley (whom they stuffed in a trunk) while Eric went to meet up with Jerrica, and there was a squabble between Pizzazz/Roxy and Stormer over it. Stormer decided to sell out and join her comrades instead of helping Ashley. Pizzazz tried hitting on Rio again, but when he rejected her and was all, "Jem's waaaay better," Pizzazz was all, "Nyah, whatever, dick." Jem (and the Holograms) showed up at the drive-in to negotiate with Eric, but he had his thugs make sure they were "tied up" and couldn't make it to the BOTB. Didn't matter--Jem found a way to escape. Back at the arena, Eric and Rio nearly got into a scuffle, but then Rio found out Ashley had been kidnapped and was locked in a trunk. He saved her, then they went to the drive-in (with the cops) to rescue Jem and the Holograms. The cops arrested Eric's hired thugs, and they got Jem and the Holograms back to the arena in time to perform....and WIN. They got to keep the Starlight Mansion, they are now contractually obligated to do a movie with Howard Sands' production company, and best of all, Eric Raymond was fired from Starlight Music. The Misfits got mega-pissed, and Pizzazz vowed revenge on Jem. At the end, Jerrica and Rio went to Starlight Music to take back what was rightfully Jerrica's, but not before dealing with Eric, who had to blow the right people to stay out of jail. He took whatever he could get his mitts on before he left, and--being the bastard that he is--slapped Jerrica across the face. Rio, in turn, punched him in the face HARD. Jerrica vows to make Starlight Music into something her dad would be proud of, she and Rio kiss, and we end with Jem and the Holograms singing on the top of Starlight Music.
Oh, and Jerrica never told Rio that she's really Jem.
CUE THE THEME SONG!
This episode is part of another mini-series, the "Starbright" arc. It's called "Falling Star," but I like to call it "Jem Is PMS-ing Hardcore."
It's not very long after Jem and the Holograms have won the Battle of the Bands, so Howard Sands is throwing them a party at the Starlight Mansion to celebrate the start of them filming their movie. I don't know just who showed up to the party, if they're a bunch of Howard Sands' or the Countess' friends, or if they're celebrities in their own right. (Wait'll we get to the "Jem Jam" episode.) But the Starlight Girls are doing their jobs slaving away and making sure the guests are being attended to. And Jerrica is wearing such a boring cocktail party dress.
You know..."boring" isn't the word I'm looking for. It's...demure, I guess. Classy. Sophisticated. (I'm really trying here; I just think the dress is boring.)
Howard pulls Jerrica aside and asks where Jem is because it's her party. She says she'll go find her, so she runs off into another room where no one can see her. She fiddles around with her earrings and says, "It's morphin' time!Showtime Synergy," and transforms into Jem. And NOW Jem's outfit looks more like what the doll wore than it did in the first five episodes, with the silver fringe-y belt. She's getting ready to make her appearance, but Kimber pulls her into a room where she, Aja and Shana are all trying on NEW CLOTHES that Countess du Voison has made just for them! Kimber exclaims "OUTRAGEOUS!" as she is contractually obligated to do at least once in each episode. Jem says that they'll be ready in a flash, and there's a jump cut to the next scene where Jem's showing off her fancy schmancy new party dress:
Much better than that boring blue frock she was wearing earlier before she transformed to Jem. But I have a question. How does this work out? I mean, whatever Jem wears is a hologram over what she's wearing as Jerrica, right? So how did she change her clothes into this deal in front of Danielle, especially since Danielle designed it? Bah, whatever. We're not supposed to think about this sort of stuff! Howard compliments Danielle on her beautiful designs. Danielle is all, "That's because I have such beautiful models." And Rio's all, "You can say that again." He rushes over to Jem and tells her, "You look so hot, you'll melt the cameras." (And you know Jerrica is just eating this shit up as Jem, because Rio would never tell her anything like this. She likes the flattery, she really does.) Jem giggles and says, "Oh, Rio, you're in the movie too, you know." Since when? I guess he's the unsung sixth member of the band. Then Mrs. Bailey (the "Jem" equivalent of Alice on "The Brady Bunch") barges in and asks Kimber if she knows where Jerrica is because I guess this is urgent. So Jem rushes off to "find" Jerrica, and Rio gets frustrated because now he can't hang around with Jem anymore for the rest of the night. Oh boo frickin' hoo, shouldn't you be more concerned about where your girlfriend has shuttled off to?
Jem ducks out of sight, fiddles with her earring and says, "Show's over, Synergy" and reverts back to boring old Jerrica in that blue cocktail dress. She catches up with Mrs. Bailey, who escorts her to the room where the Starlight Girls who aren't victims of child labor catering the party are watching Jem and the Holograms videos on that brand new MTV channel. WOW. Of all the things for them to be watching, how ironic is it that they're watching JEM AND THE HOLOGRAMS' VIDEOS when they're a room or two over partying it up? Why don't they just try to sneak into the party? But never mind that. Ba'Nee is sitting awfully close to the tee-vee, and Mrs. Bailey has reason to be concerned over her vision. Jerrica makes a mental note to call an eye doctor the next morning when Anthony and Shana rush over. Anthony needs to talk to Jem about something. *sigh* She's going to have to transform into Jem again, isn't she? So Jerrica ducks into another room, closes the door behind her and walks through a wall into a secret room where Synergy is located. *facepalm* Why not just keep that door locked at all times? Ya know? She just wants to check Synergy's power levels because she's been changing so often, she's afraid she's wearing Synergy out. Synergy reminds Jerrica that she can project up to 600 holographic images a minute without power loss.
3:07 Jerrica looks like she's nearing in on Synergy to HUG "her." She doesn't, of course, but the image of Jerrica hugging Synergy is enough to make me want to do fanart! LOL Jerrica transforms back into Jem (and the animation of this is very good) and goes back through the wall to the party. (Wow, just how many holographic walls do they have in the Starlight Mansion?)
Turns out Anthony wanted Jem to meet Vivian Montgomery (but we can call her Video). She's the "brightest thing in the videotape scene today." Soooo, if this show were entirely updated for 2009, we'd be calling her "DVD" instead? She's interested in making a documentary about the making of Jem's upcoming film, and Jem's thrilled. Rio comes up with some punch for them, and then one of the Starlight Girls (Lela, I think) is calling for Jerrica, and Jem goes running away from Rio towards Lela to see what she wants. And Rio kind of gives Jem this look as she runs off, like, "Lela wanted Jerrica...why is Jem going over to see what she wants?" Come on, Rio. Think. Think about it LONG AND HARD! I know you're not stupid!
Anyhoo, Jem goes over to see what Lela wants, and Lela's all, "Oh, hi Jem. I was looking for Jerrica." And...*ha ha* I think Jerrica confused herself with all the transforming back and forth she's been doing all night. Because Jem is all, "Well, I, uh--" and then she takes one look in the conveniently-placed mirror behind Lela and realizes just who she's supposed to be right now, and hesitates, and goes, "......Oh." AND JUST WALKS AWAY!
She ducks into a coat closet and fiddles with her earring again, and says, "Synergy, I think you know what I'm going to ask you." Can't EVEN be bothered to remember the secret phrase! Jerrica, you fail at life!
Anyway, Lela needed Jerrica because the half of the Starlight Girls who are slaving away for the party? They're out of ice. Jerrica tells Lela to have Becky order more ice, and in the middle of her ordering around the kids, Rio barges in and pulls her out of the kitchen, telling her, "They can handle it." (They're kids, Rio.)
4:06 I see Rio has not given up on the white tennis shoes with the tuxedo look.
She argues that she has to keep the party going, but he argues back, "No 'buts.' You need a rest. It's Jem's partyand I need to oogle her all night long and you're doing everything." Now here comes the cheesiest dialogue evar:
Jerrica: "Jem looks pretty good, doesn't she?"
Rio: "Yeah, she makes the air sizzle, like some bright and dazzling dream. If you can find her. But you're not like Jem. You know what I love about you, Jerrica? You're so responsible and dependable and comfortable to be around."
Jerrica: "You make me sound like an old pair of shoes."
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: NO BOYFRIEND SHOULD EVER TELL HIS GIRLFRIEND SOMETHING ALONG THESE LINES. And besides, Jerrica will grow less dependable and responsible as the series goes on.
Anyhoo, this leads up to a music video!:
(A lot of really good imagery in this vid. And before you even say, "Rio's a cheating bastard," I still stand by my belief that Jerrica brings a lot of her problems on herself. Rio's not entirely innocent, but still...this is not all his fault.)
And with that, "Miss Dependable" has work to do.
Meanwhile, guess who's spying on the party? The Misfits, of course. With what seems to be the most powerful binoculars ever, because they're spying from a balcony at Gabor Manor. YEAH! Pizzazz's dad is LOOOADED. She's nothing but a spoiled rich girl! And then you get the big view of Gabor Manor at 6:01, and in MY opinion, it's bigger and more opulent than the Starlight Mansion. Roxy's amazed that they never knew until now that Pizzazz comes from money, and Stormer's all, "What a place!" And Pizzazz just nonchalantly answers, "We have bigger ones." So really, why the hell did Pizzazz covet the Starlight Mansion so badly in the Battle of the Bands contest when her dad could just give her one of her own? This makes no sense, unless it's just because Jem has something Pizzazz doesn't, and it pisses her off.
Then Pizzazz says, "Anyway, who cares about money?" *blink blink* Hard-working grunts like Roxy and Stormer do! Pizzazz cares more about being famous. She wants her name spoken with awe, she wants people to throw themselves at her feet:
Pizzazz is ultimately pissed because Jem's making that movie when she obviously should be doing it instead. Roxy says, "If I had this much money, I'd just make my own movie." WOW! What a great idea! Why didn't Pizzazz think about it? She later goes and sweet talks her daddy, who's in the middle of a business call. (Talk about rude.) She tells him in this syrupy-sweet voice, "Remember when you told me I could have anything I wanted for my birthday?...I want a movie studio." Harvey Gabor is slightly shocked. He thinks it'd be a poor investment. But Pizzazz starts whining that he promised her anything. Harvey concedes, and Pizzazz knows the perfect person to run it. Oh god...don't tell me...
The next day, Jem and the Holograms are pulling up in the Rockin' Roadster to the movie studios lot to meet up with Howard. Jem says something about hoping there's no problem, and Howard says the studio's been unexpectedly sold. Yes. Harvey Gabor bought out Howard's studio. And yes, that asshat Eric Raymond is in charge now. UGH. The Misfits are the new co-stars of the movie. Jem exclaims, "I thought you were in jail." (I thought we covered this at the end of the last episode....) And Eric says, "Amazing what lawyers can do...if you offer them a good blowjob if you pay them enough." Yeah, with all the money you embezzled from Starlight Music. What an asshole. There's a new script, too, and Jem's still supposed to start tomorrow as scheduled. Jem throws the script at Eric and tells him, "Not a chance" and refuses to do it. Then Eric pulls out the contract and points out that if she fails to perform in the movie, she's out. And this movie will make the Misfits the hottest stars in Hollywood.
SHE WANTS OUT OF THIS GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY?! OH BOO HOO.
This movie is soooo going to suck. Uh, Jem? Are you SURE you still want to make this movie? Jem and the Holograms show up and say hi to Anthony, and Eric gets pissy with them, "Well, it's about time. Get to makeup! We've got a schedule to maintain!" And Jem is all, "Awww, doesn't sunrise agree with you, Eric?" Man, I can't believe I've never really paid attention to this, but wow! Jem can be a little bitch! :D
They're on their way to hair and makeup, and Kimber whispers to Jem, "What's gonna happen when the makeup person touches your holographic disguise?" YEAH, JEM. WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN? Jem tells her, "I guess we'll find out!I'll think of something." When they get to the makeup department, the Misfits show up and butt in first. Totally rude, you know. And Aja's ready to cut a bitch, but Jem's gotta hold her back. She warns Aja that they're just trying to provoke them. While the Misfits are in hair and makeup, Pizzazz starts talking shit about Jem to her hairdresser, saying that Jem's a total snob and all that jazz. After what seems to be FOREVER, the Misfits emerge. Here's what the makeup artist did for them:
The Misfits then tell J&TH that it doesn't matter; makeup can't work miracles. (But holographic earrings sure can!)
And what do you know? Inadvertently, Jem makes herself look like the snob Pizzazz made her out to be, mainly because she doesn't want anyone messing with her earrings. Oh, hon...*facepalm*
Then later on, on the actual set, Pizzazz has an important announcement to make. "Even though my father owns this studio, I want you to treat me like any other star. Could I have a chair, please?" Some random guy grabs a chair out from under Kimber as she's ready to sit down, and some hunky guy catches her. He introduces himself as Jeff Wright, one of the stunt doubles for the film. He OBVIOUSLY likes Kimber, but she's got her eye set on Nick Mann. She goes after Nick, and Jeff tells Kimber that she's wasting her time on Nick. (What? Is he gay?) Roxy comes and tries to cozy up to Jeff, telling him, "I've got time for you." Jeff tells her, "Uh, sorry, I gotta go fall off a roof or something." BEST COMEBACK EVAR!!!!!!!
Jem's consulting with Anthony about a scene when Nick "I'M NOT GAY!" Mann comes over to introduce himself to Jem. He's obviously enamored with Jem's good looks. Pizzazz gets pissed and jealous (as always), so she butts in. Too late; Nick wants to go over tomorrow's "love scene" with Jem. Because he's got to make it look like he's straight so his audiences will still want to see his movies:
me: "Tom Cruise, how the hell did you get in this post?"
Tom: "I'm not gay, you know. I'm in looooove with Katie Holmes!"
Me: ".........Riiiiiiiiiiiiight."
Jem--who isn't comfortable with how Nick is behaving around her--tries to push him off onto Kimber, but Nick just wants some time alone with Jem. (What a creep.) Jeff is all, "Told you so" to Kimber. Kimber's just pissed and jealous of her sister. Off to the side, Nick is telling Jem how he always falls in love with his leading ladies. ("I'M NOT GAY! REALLY I'M NOT!") I think Jem's gaydar is up, because she seems to not really be buying his BS. And he's a really bad actor.
And what do you know? Rio's on the side, getting as pissy as he always does seeing Nick paw all over Jem. Why's he getting so upset over it? He's got Jerrica.
Meanwhile, at the gate, the guard is giving a pass to a "Miss Montgomery." This is not the blonde chick we saw earlier. This is a bizarre-looking chick with red and blue-striped hair and out-of-this-world eye makeup. Then seconds later, Video pulls up. But the guard just gave her pass to the person before her. WTF? This is why security needs to ask for freaking ID!
The red-and-blue-haired freak bounds up to the Misfits and is THRILLED to meet them. Oh yeah? Turns out her name is Clash, and she bangs her cymbal-bracelets to emphasize that THAT'S HER NAME DAMMIT. Ugh, great. Now they have an annoying, fugly groupie:
Video is ready to start shooting the documentary, but she warns Jem and the Holograms (and Anthony) that her cousin Clash snuck onto the set. And Clash sneaks up behind Jem and bangs those cymbal bracelets together. GOD, that must be some annoying crap. If I were Jem, I would've bitch-slapped her. Anthony orders Clash off of the set. Pizzazz argues that she's their friend and she can stay. Anthony then order them BOTH off the set. Eric runs over and reminds him that the Misfits are the co-stars of the movie, and that Anthony is out of line. Anthony is fed up with this crap, and gives Eric a piece of his mind. Eric then orders Anthony off the set, and Anthony is more than happy to leave. They are f*cking DONE professionally:
And now Eric will assume directing responsibilities. GREAT. Now Jem and the Holograms are up shit creek.
Later on that night, Jerrica comes home from...a hard day at work? On the set as Jem? At Starlight Music? I dunno, but Mrs. Bailey reminds her that Ba'Nee's eye apppointment is Saturday, and Jerrica agrees to take her. She goes upstairs to one of the rooms where the rest of the band is lounging around (13:16 Why is Kimber's hair pink? Blooper? Or is Kimber so jealous of her sister, she's trying out pink hair on herself? Or is it a HOLOGRAM?! *oOoOoOoOoOo*) Shana whines that things can't possibly get any worse, but Jerrica--being the optimist that she is--says this means things have to get better, right? RIGHT?! Aja and Kimber don't look very convinced.
Next day on the set....they're shooting another music video. What exactly was the plot of the movie they were filming? I dunno, but here's the music video:
RIO ENGULFED IN FLAMES?!!!! My jaw just dropped. And check out how Jem deals with Rio around 0:34! (14:10 on the DVD) Channel that anger, gurl! And I love the punch Rio gives Nick "I'M NOT GAY!" Mann at the end.
Jem is irritated with Rio's little jealous outburst (soooo.....this wasn't filmed for the movie, I take it?), and Eric orders Rio off the set, but Pizzazz wants Eric to keep Rio around. Eric is frustrated because he doesn't know shit about making a movie, and he's tired of people telling him how it's done and dealing with Pizzazz's crap and making things miserable for Jem and HE'S THE DAMN BOSS, DAMMIT!!!! So Pizzazz starts buttering up to Rio and telling him if he wants to stay on the movie, he has to be nice to her. (What, like have sex with her? UGH!!!!) Jem is even MORE pissed, gives Rio a dirty look and just stalks away. Rio looks after her all, "WTF? I don't even LIKE her! Jem, wait! You know you're the only girl I ever want to bone!"
14:59 The way Rio is drawn in this scene, the folds in his shirt make him look like he's got a gut. :(
After the commercial break, Lin-Z Pierce is on the scene for the press conference live from the set of the yet-to-be-unnamed movie starring both Jem and the Holograms AND the Misfits. Nick "I'M NOT GAY!" Mann is tipping Jem to play up their romance for the cameras because it'll get them good press. (There IS no romance! And this just confirms to me that Nick is INDEED gay.) And this is the first appearance of Pizzazz's infamous clown-dress:
She cozies up to Rio, who's all, "I should leave now." Yeah, you really don't want to be around to see this, hon. But Pizzazz tells him he should stick around for their little surprise. Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of this....
One of the workers on the set informs Eric that they're already a day behind schedule to be making room for this press conference. Eric tells the worker in a deep, grizzly Vince McMahon-ish voice, "Do you want to keep your job?....Then stop harassing me, and get the reporters!" Bah, whatever. The worker does as he's told, and the members of the press come pouring in. They ask Jem a bunch of questions, like "What's it like working on a multi-million dollar film?" She answers the question as professionally as she can with Nick being a skeeve around her. THEN people start asking about their "romance" and even if they'll have a public wedding. WOAH, take it easy! They haven't even kissed yet! But Nick changes that, and does one of those things where he...ahem, "sweeps" her off her feet dramatically and plants one on her in front of the cameras. WOW, WHO DOES THIS REMIND ME OF?:
"I'M NOT GAY! REALLY I'M NOT! I'M SO SECURE IN MY MASCULINITY THAT I HAVE TO RESORT TO DRAMATIC ANTICS LIKE THIS TO PROVE WHAT A WOMAN-LOVER I AM!" I wouldn't be surprised if Nick gave a copy of this to Jem:
But I do love how Aja remarks, "Shy thing, isn't he?" Kimber's all, "Jem shouldn't lead him on!" *eyeroll* Kimber walks off in a jealous huff, and here comes Eric with his, "Yeah, Jem thinks she's so much better than you when you're more talented. How about I give you your own scene? With Nick?" Well, that changes Kimber's tune. Then Pizzazz is trying to get Rio ticked off that Jem seems to want to be with Nick. Then Roxy and Stormer decide to unfurl a big sign that says, "THE MISFITS STARRING IN STARBRIGHT!.....also featuring Jem and the Holograms." *blink blink* THAT'S their "big surprise"? A big sign?! Wow. How....epic? *golf claps* Clash comes up behind her cousin and clangs together those bracelets of hers. One of the press members asks Eric, "Uh...isn't this supposed to be Jem's movie?" Once again, Pizzazz has to mention that her dad owns the movie studio.
Rio's all, "Honest, I didn't know anything about this, Jem." Jem's already kind of pissed at Nick and being upstaged by the Misfits and with Eric pushing her around, so she gives Rio some snide remark. Jem, hon, try this:
And then maybe Rio needs to stay at least 500 feet away from her. But then we'll get Jem whining, "WHY WON'T RIO PAY ANY ATTENTION TO MEEEEE?!!"
The Misfits field some questions from the press, and Lin-Z Pierce gets some confirmation that Anthony Julian did indeed quit as director and Eric is now direction. Lin-Z asks, "But....you've never directed a film." And you know he's going to be bossing everyone around to do all the work that he'll later take credit for. Meanwhile, Howard Sands makes a trip to consult Harvey Gabor about this investment he made for his daughter. Howard figures it's his studio that Harvey purchased, so he must be made aware of what's going on. He warns him that Eric Raymond has a bad reputation, and he'll run the studio into the ground, and it'll cost Harvey millions. THEN do Mr. Gabor's ears perk up: "Did you say millions?" Howard is trying to pound it into his head that Eric's going to ruin Jem's movie, but Harvey doesn't care. As long as his precious little girl is happy and out of his hair, it doesn't concern him.
Back at the studio, Jem and the Holograms are ready to film a number, but I guess now it's the Misfits' number. And this is arguably the BEST Misfits' video:
Once again, how jealous of Jem is Pizzazz that she resorts to wearing PINK STAR EARRINGS very similar to Jem's?!
Jem. Is. PISSED. She gets on the scene and starts in on how she's tired of the Misfits just throwing their weight around. Pizzazz shoves one of the prop stars into Jem's chest, so Jem shoves it back and knocks Pizzazz over, prompting Pizzazz's signature screech of annoyance. She's about ready to tear into Jem, but Rio steps in front of Jem to protect her from that savage beast. Eric's holding Pizzazz back from attacking Jem and is all, "How dare you attack Pizzazz like that?!"
Then Jem utters one of my favorite lines EVER:
"I'm finished with you, I've had it with them, I QUIT."
She and Shana and Aja and Rio stalk off the set, infuriated. Eric calls out to Kimber, "YOU don't have to go." And Kimber briefly considers it. (WTF, what a jealous little brat!) Then she tells Eric, ".....Yes I do!" and joins her sister and friends. Nick "I'M NOT GAY!" Mann is taken aback: "Did Jem say she quit?! How can I assert my masculinity now?!" And the makeup artist rolls her eyes annd is all, "Bah, she's playing primadonna. She'll be back."
Jem and the Holograms are leaving the set and studio, but Video is still chasing them down. The Misfits aren't getting a documentary out of her. Jem feels bad that she wasted Video's time, but Video tells her that getting to know her was no waste of time. Awww. At least they have their music, right?
Inside the set, WHOOPIE SHIT!!! THE MISFITS GOT THEIR WAY!!! THE MOVIE'S ALL THEIRS NOW!!! Immature bitches. But really, Jem and the Holograms don't need to do that movie. Do they?
Then Saturday rolls around, which means Ba'Nee's eye appointment. It's bad. Ba'Nee's got degenerative eye condition, that she probably inherited from one of her parents. Within a matter of months--or even weeks--Ba'Nee could go blind. OH NOES. :(
TO BE CONTINUED.....(not again!)
And to close this snark out...since they were seeking Jem and Jerrica earlier this episode....Oh baby baby, have you seen Jem or Jerrica tonight? Is either one of them in the bathroom? Are they smokin' up outside, oh?
And on a sad note, Linda Dangcil, the woman who played Raya in the later episodes of "Jem" passed away on May 7th. This snark was dedicated to her, even though I haven't even gotten around to snarking on episodes with Carmen "Raya" Alonso in them yet.
Oh, and Jerrica never told Rio that she's really Jem.
CUE THE THEME SONG!
This episode is part of another mini-series, the "Starbright" arc. It's called "Falling Star," but I like to call it "Jem Is PMS-ing Hardcore."
It's not very long after Jem and the Holograms have won the Battle of the Bands, so Howard Sands is throwing them a party at the Starlight Mansion to celebrate the start of them filming their movie. I don't know just who showed up to the party, if they're a bunch of Howard Sands' or the Countess' friends, or if they're celebrities in their own right. (Wait'll we get to the "Jem Jam" episode.) But the Starlight Girls are doing their jobs slaving away and making sure the guests are being attended to. And Jerrica is wearing such a boring cocktail party dress.
You know..."boring" isn't the word I'm looking for. It's...demure, I guess. Classy. Sophisticated. (I'm really trying here; I just think the dress is boring.)
Howard pulls Jerrica aside and asks where Jem is because it's her party. She says she'll go find her, so she runs off into another room where no one can see her. She fiddles around with her earrings and says, "
Much better than that boring blue frock she was wearing earlier before she transformed to Jem. But I have a question. How does this work out? I mean, whatever Jem wears is a hologram over what she's wearing as Jerrica, right? So how did she change her clothes into this deal in front of Danielle, especially since Danielle designed it? Bah, whatever. We're not supposed to think about this sort of stuff! Howard compliments Danielle on her beautiful designs. Danielle is all, "That's because I have such beautiful models." And Rio's all, "You can say that again." He rushes over to Jem and tells her, "You look so hot, you'll melt the cameras." (And you know Jerrica is just eating this shit up as Jem, because Rio would never tell her anything like this. She likes the flattery, she really does.) Jem giggles and says, "Oh, Rio, you're in the movie too, you know." Since when? I guess he's the unsung sixth member of the band. Then Mrs. Bailey (the "Jem" equivalent of Alice on "The Brady Bunch") barges in and asks Kimber if she knows where Jerrica is because I guess this is urgent. So Jem rushes off to "find" Jerrica, and Rio gets frustrated because now he can't hang around with Jem anymore for the rest of the night. Oh boo frickin' hoo, shouldn't you be more concerned about where your girlfriend has shuttled off to?
Jem ducks out of sight, fiddles with her earring and says, "Show's over, Synergy" and reverts back to boring old Jerrica in that blue cocktail dress. She catches up with Mrs. Bailey, who escorts her to the room where the Starlight Girls who aren't victims of child labor catering the party are watching Jem and the Holograms videos on that brand new MTV channel. WOW. Of all the things for them to be watching, how ironic is it that they're watching JEM AND THE HOLOGRAMS' VIDEOS when they're a room or two over partying it up? Why don't they just try to sneak into the party? But never mind that. Ba'Nee is sitting awfully close to the tee-vee, and Mrs. Bailey has reason to be concerned over her vision. Jerrica makes a mental note to call an eye doctor the next morning when Anthony and Shana rush over. Anthony needs to talk to Jem about something. *sigh* She's going to have to transform into Jem again, isn't she? So Jerrica ducks into another room, closes the door behind her and walks through a wall into a secret room where Synergy is located. *facepalm* Why not just keep that door locked at all times? Ya know? She just wants to check Synergy's power levels because she's been changing so often, she's afraid she's wearing Synergy out. Synergy reminds Jerrica that she can project up to 600 holographic images a minute without power loss.
3:07 Jerrica looks like she's nearing in on Synergy to HUG "her." She doesn't, of course, but the image of Jerrica hugging Synergy is enough to make me want to do fanart! LOL Jerrica transforms back into Jem (and the animation of this is very good) and goes back through the wall to the party. (Wow, just how many holographic walls do they have in the Starlight Mansion?)
Turns out Anthony wanted Jem to meet Vivian Montgomery (but we can call her Video). She's the "brightest thing in the videotape scene today." Soooo, if this show were entirely updated for 2009, we'd be calling her "DVD" instead? She's interested in making a documentary about the making of Jem's upcoming film, and Jem's thrilled. Rio comes up with some punch for them, and then one of the Starlight Girls (Lela, I think) is calling for Jerrica, and Jem goes running away from Rio towards Lela to see what she wants. And Rio kind of gives Jem this look as she runs off, like, "Lela wanted Jerrica...why is Jem going over to see what she wants?" Come on, Rio. Think. Think about it LONG AND HARD! I know you're not stupid!
Anyhoo, Jem goes over to see what Lela wants, and Lela's all, "Oh, hi Jem. I was looking for Jerrica." And...*ha ha* I think Jerrica confused herself with all the transforming back and forth she's been doing all night. Because Jem is all, "Well, I, uh--" and then she takes one look in the conveniently-placed mirror behind Lela and realizes just who she's supposed to be right now, and hesitates, and goes, "......Oh." AND JUST WALKS AWAY!
She ducks into a coat closet and fiddles with her earring again, and says, "Synergy, I think you know what I'm going to ask you." Can't EVEN be bothered to remember the secret phrase! Jerrica, you fail at life!
Anyway, Lela needed Jerrica because the half of the Starlight Girls who are slaving away for the party? They're out of ice. Jerrica tells Lela to have Becky order more ice, and in the middle of her ordering around the kids, Rio barges in and pulls her out of the kitchen, telling her, "They can handle it." (They're kids, Rio.)
4:06 I see Rio has not given up on the white tennis shoes with the tuxedo look.
She argues that she has to keep the party going, but he argues back, "No 'buts.' You need a rest. It's Jem's party
Jerrica: "Jem looks pretty good, doesn't she?"
Rio: "Yeah, she makes the air sizzle, like some bright and dazzling dream. If you can find her. But you're not like Jem. You know what I love about you, Jerrica? You're so responsible and dependable and comfortable to be around."
Jerrica: "You make me sound like an old pair of shoes."
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: NO BOYFRIEND SHOULD EVER TELL HIS GIRLFRIEND SOMETHING ALONG THESE LINES. And besides, Jerrica will grow less dependable and responsible as the series goes on.
Anyhoo, this leads up to a music video!:
(A lot of really good imagery in this vid. And before you even say, "Rio's a cheating bastard," I still stand by my belief that Jerrica brings a lot of her problems on herself. Rio's not entirely innocent, but still...this is not all his fault.)
And with that, "Miss Dependable" has work to do.
Meanwhile, guess who's spying on the party? The Misfits, of course. With what seems to be the most powerful binoculars ever, because they're spying from a balcony at Gabor Manor. YEAH! Pizzazz's dad is LOOOADED. She's nothing but a spoiled rich girl! And then you get the big view of Gabor Manor at 6:01, and in MY opinion, it's bigger and more opulent than the Starlight Mansion. Roxy's amazed that they never knew until now that Pizzazz comes from money, and Stormer's all, "What a place!" And Pizzazz just nonchalantly answers, "We have bigger ones." So really, why the hell did Pizzazz covet the Starlight Mansion so badly in the Battle of the Bands contest when her dad could just give her one of her own? This makes no sense, unless it's just because Jem has something Pizzazz doesn't, and it pisses her off.
Then Pizzazz says, "Anyway, who cares about money?" *blink blink* Hard-working grunts like Roxy and Stormer do! Pizzazz cares more about being famous. She wants her name spoken with awe, she wants people to throw themselves at her feet:
Pizzazz is ultimately pissed because Jem's making that movie when she obviously should be doing it instead. Roxy says, "If I had this much money, I'd just make my own movie." WOW! What a great idea! Why didn't Pizzazz think about it? She later goes and sweet talks her daddy, who's in the middle of a business call. (Talk about rude.) She tells him in this syrupy-sweet voice, "Remember when you told me I could have anything I wanted for my birthday?...I want a movie studio." Harvey Gabor is slightly shocked. He thinks it'd be a poor investment. But Pizzazz starts whining that he promised her anything. Harvey concedes, and Pizzazz knows the perfect person to run it. Oh god...don't tell me...
The next day, Jem and the Holograms are pulling up in the Rockin' Roadster to the movie studios lot to meet up with Howard. Jem says something about hoping there's no problem, and Howard says the studio's been unexpectedly sold. Yes. Harvey Gabor bought out Howard's studio. And yes, that asshat Eric Raymond is in charge now. UGH. The Misfits are the new co-stars of the movie. Jem exclaims, "I thought you were in jail." (I thought we covered this at the end of the last episode....) And Eric says, "Amazing what lawyers can do...
SHE WANTS OUT OF THIS GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY?! OH BOO HOO.
This movie is soooo going to suck. Uh, Jem? Are you SURE you still want to make this movie? Jem and the Holograms show up and say hi to Anthony, and Eric gets pissy with them, "Well, it's about time. Get to makeup! We've got a schedule to maintain!" And Jem is all, "Awww, doesn't sunrise agree with you, Eric?" Man, I can't believe I've never really paid attention to this, but wow! Jem can be a little bitch! :D
They're on their way to hair and makeup, and Kimber whispers to Jem, "What's gonna happen when the makeup person touches your holographic disguise?" YEAH, JEM. WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN? Jem tells her, "
The Misfits then tell J&TH that it doesn't matter; makeup can't work miracles. (But holographic earrings sure can!)
And what do you know? Inadvertently, Jem makes herself look like the snob Pizzazz made her out to be, mainly because she doesn't want anyone messing with her earrings. Oh, hon...*facepalm*
Then later on, on the actual set, Pizzazz has an important announcement to make. "Even though my father owns this studio, I want you to treat me like any other star. Could I have a chair, please?" Some random guy grabs a chair out from under Kimber as she's ready to sit down, and some hunky guy catches her. He introduces himself as Jeff Wright, one of the stunt doubles for the film. He OBVIOUSLY likes Kimber, but she's got her eye set on Nick Mann. She goes after Nick, and Jeff tells Kimber that she's wasting her time on Nick. (What? Is he gay?) Roxy comes and tries to cozy up to Jeff, telling him, "I've got time for you." Jeff tells her, "Uh, sorry, I gotta go fall off a roof or something." BEST COMEBACK EVAR!!!!!!!
Jem's consulting with Anthony about a scene when Nick "I'M NOT GAY!" Mann comes over to introduce himself to Jem. He's obviously enamored with Jem's good looks. Pizzazz gets pissed and jealous (as always), so she butts in. Too late; Nick wants to go over tomorrow's "love scene" with Jem. Because he's got to make it look like he's straight so his audiences will still want to see his movies:
me: "Tom Cruise, how the hell did you get in this post?"
Tom: "I'm not gay, you know. I'm in looooove with Katie Holmes!"
Me: ".........Riiiiiiiiiiiiight."
Jem--who isn't comfortable with how Nick is behaving around her--tries to push him off onto Kimber, but Nick just wants some time alone with Jem. (What a creep.) Jeff is all, "Told you so" to Kimber. Kimber's just pissed and jealous of her sister. Off to the side, Nick is telling Jem how he always falls in love with his leading ladies. ("I'M NOT GAY! REALLY I'M NOT!") I think Jem's gaydar is up, because she seems to not really be buying his BS. And he's a really bad actor.
And what do you know? Rio's on the side, getting as pissy as he always does seeing Nick paw all over Jem. Why's he getting so upset over it? He's got Jerrica.
Meanwhile, at the gate, the guard is giving a pass to a "Miss Montgomery." This is not the blonde chick we saw earlier. This is a bizarre-looking chick with red and blue-striped hair and out-of-this-world eye makeup. Then seconds later, Video pulls up. But the guard just gave her pass to the person before her. WTF? This is why security needs to ask for freaking ID!
The red-and-blue-haired freak bounds up to the Misfits and is THRILLED to meet them. Oh yeah? Turns out her name is Clash, and she bangs her cymbal-bracelets to emphasize that THAT'S HER NAME DAMMIT. Ugh, great. Now they have an annoying, fugly groupie:
Video is ready to start shooting the documentary, but she warns Jem and the Holograms (and Anthony) that her cousin Clash snuck onto the set. And Clash sneaks up behind Jem and bangs those cymbal bracelets together. GOD, that must be some annoying crap. If I were Jem, I would've bitch-slapped her. Anthony orders Clash off of the set. Pizzazz argues that she's their friend and she can stay. Anthony then order them BOTH off the set. Eric runs over and reminds him that the Misfits are the co-stars of the movie, and that Anthony is out of line. Anthony is fed up with this crap, and gives Eric a piece of his mind. Eric then orders Anthony off the set, and Anthony is more than happy to leave. They are f*cking DONE professionally:
And now Eric will assume directing responsibilities. GREAT. Now Jem and the Holograms are up shit creek.
Later on that night, Jerrica comes home from...a hard day at work? On the set as Jem? At Starlight Music? I dunno, but Mrs. Bailey reminds her that Ba'Nee's eye apppointment is Saturday, and Jerrica agrees to take her. She goes upstairs to one of the rooms where the rest of the band is lounging around (13:16 Why is Kimber's hair pink? Blooper? Or is Kimber so jealous of her sister, she's trying out pink hair on herself? Or is it a HOLOGRAM?! *oOoOoOoOoOo*) Shana whines that things can't possibly get any worse, but Jerrica--being the optimist that she is--says this means things have to get better, right? RIGHT?! Aja and Kimber don't look very convinced.
Next day on the set....they're shooting another music video. What exactly was the plot of the movie they were filming? I dunno, but here's the music video:
RIO ENGULFED IN FLAMES?!!!! My jaw just dropped. And check out how Jem deals with Rio around 0:34! (14:10 on the DVD) Channel that anger, gurl! And I love the punch Rio gives Nick "I'M NOT GAY!" Mann at the end.
Jem is irritated with Rio's little jealous outburst (soooo.....this wasn't filmed for the movie, I take it?), and Eric orders Rio off the set, but Pizzazz wants Eric to keep Rio around. Eric is frustrated because he doesn't know shit about making a movie, and he's tired of people telling him how it's done and dealing with Pizzazz's crap and making things miserable for Jem and HE'S THE DAMN BOSS, DAMMIT!!!! So Pizzazz starts buttering up to Rio and telling him if he wants to stay on the movie, he has to be nice to her. (What, like have sex with her? UGH!!!!) Jem is even MORE pissed, gives Rio a dirty look and just stalks away. Rio looks after her all, "WTF? I don't even LIKE her! Jem, wait! You know you're the only girl I ever want to bone!"
14:59 The way Rio is drawn in this scene, the folds in his shirt make him look like he's got a gut. :(
After the commercial break, Lin-Z Pierce is on the scene for the press conference live from the set of the yet-to-be-unnamed movie starring both Jem and the Holograms AND the Misfits. Nick "I'M NOT GAY!" Mann is tipping Jem to play up their romance for the cameras because it'll get them good press. (There IS no romance! And this just confirms to me that Nick is INDEED gay.) And this is the first appearance of Pizzazz's infamous clown-dress:
She cozies up to Rio, who's all, "I should leave now." Yeah, you really don't want to be around to see this, hon. But Pizzazz tells him he should stick around for their little surprise. Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of this....
One of the workers on the set informs Eric that they're already a day behind schedule to be making room for this press conference. Eric tells the worker in a deep, grizzly Vince McMahon-ish voice, "Do you want to keep your job?....Then stop harassing me, and get the reporters!" Bah, whatever. The worker does as he's told, and the members of the press come pouring in. They ask Jem a bunch of questions, like "What's it like working on a multi-million dollar film?" She answers the question as professionally as she can with Nick being a skeeve around her. THEN people start asking about their "romance" and even if they'll have a public wedding. WOAH, take it easy! They haven't even kissed yet! But Nick changes that, and does one of those things where he...ahem, "sweeps" her off her feet dramatically and plants one on her in front of the cameras. WOW, WHO DOES THIS REMIND ME OF?:
"I'M NOT GAY! REALLY I'M NOT! I'M SO SECURE IN MY MASCULINITY THAT I HAVE TO RESORT TO DRAMATIC ANTICS LIKE THIS TO PROVE WHAT A WOMAN-LOVER I AM!" I wouldn't be surprised if Nick gave a copy of this to Jem:
But I do love how Aja remarks, "Shy thing, isn't he?" Kimber's all, "Jem shouldn't lead him on!" *eyeroll* Kimber walks off in a jealous huff, and here comes Eric with his, "Yeah, Jem thinks she's so much better than you when you're more talented. How about I give you your own scene? With Nick?" Well, that changes Kimber's tune. Then Pizzazz is trying to get Rio ticked off that Jem seems to want to be with Nick. Then Roxy and Stormer decide to unfurl a big sign that says, "THE MISFITS STARRING IN STARBRIGHT!.....also featuring Jem and the Holograms." *blink blink* THAT'S their "big surprise"? A big sign?! Wow. How....epic? *golf claps* Clash comes up behind her cousin and clangs together those bracelets of hers. One of the press members asks Eric, "Uh...isn't this supposed to be Jem's movie?" Once again, Pizzazz has to mention that her dad owns the movie studio.
Rio's all, "Honest, I didn't know anything about this, Jem." Jem's already kind of pissed at Nick and being upstaged by the Misfits and with Eric pushing her around, so she gives Rio some snide remark. Jem, hon, try this:
And then maybe Rio needs to stay at least 500 feet away from her. But then we'll get Jem whining, "WHY WON'T RIO PAY ANY ATTENTION TO MEEEEE?!!"
The Misfits field some questions from the press, and Lin-Z Pierce gets some confirmation that Anthony Julian did indeed quit as director and Eric is now direction. Lin-Z asks, "But....you've never directed a film." And you know he's going to be bossing everyone around to do all the work that he'll later take credit for. Meanwhile, Howard Sands makes a trip to consult Harvey Gabor about this investment he made for his daughter. Howard figures it's his studio that Harvey purchased, so he must be made aware of what's going on. He warns him that Eric Raymond has a bad reputation, and he'll run the studio into the ground, and it'll cost Harvey millions. THEN do Mr. Gabor's ears perk up: "Did you say millions?" Howard is trying to pound it into his head that Eric's going to ruin Jem's movie, but Harvey doesn't care. As long as his precious little girl is happy and out of his hair, it doesn't concern him.
Back at the studio, Jem and the Holograms are ready to film a number, but I guess now it's the Misfits' number. And this is arguably the BEST Misfits' video:
Once again, how jealous of Jem is Pizzazz that she resorts to wearing PINK STAR EARRINGS very similar to Jem's?!
Jem. Is. PISSED. She gets on the scene and starts in on how she's tired of the Misfits just throwing their weight around. Pizzazz shoves one of the prop stars into Jem's chest, so Jem shoves it back and knocks Pizzazz over, prompting Pizzazz's signature screech of annoyance. She's about ready to tear into Jem, but Rio steps in front of Jem to protect her from that savage beast. Eric's holding Pizzazz back from attacking Jem and is all, "How dare you attack Pizzazz like that?!"
Then Jem utters one of my favorite lines EVER:
"I'm finished with you, I've had it with them, I QUIT."
She and Shana and Aja and Rio stalk off the set, infuriated. Eric calls out to Kimber, "YOU don't have to go." And Kimber briefly considers it. (WTF, what a jealous little brat!) Then she tells Eric, ".....Yes I do!" and joins her sister and friends. Nick "I'M NOT GAY!" Mann is taken aback: "Did Jem say she quit?! How can I assert my masculinity now?!" And the makeup artist rolls her eyes annd is all, "Bah, she's playing primadonna. She'll be back."
Jem and the Holograms are leaving the set and studio, but Video is still chasing them down. The Misfits aren't getting a documentary out of her. Jem feels bad that she wasted Video's time, but Video tells her that getting to know her was no waste of time. Awww. At least they have their music, right?
Inside the set, WHOOPIE SHIT!!! THE MISFITS GOT THEIR WAY!!! THE MOVIE'S ALL THEIRS NOW!!! Immature bitches. But really, Jem and the Holograms don't need to do that movie. Do they?
Then Saturday rolls around, which means Ba'Nee's eye appointment. It's bad. Ba'Nee's got degenerative eye condition, that she probably inherited from one of her parents. Within a matter of months--or even weeks--Ba'Nee could go blind. OH NOES. :(
TO BE CONTINUED.....(not again!)
And to close this snark out...since they were seeking Jem and Jerrica earlier this episode....Oh baby baby, have you seen Jem or Jerrica tonight? Is either one of them in the bathroom? Are they smokin' up outside, oh?
And on a sad note, Linda Dangcil, the woman who played Raya in the later episodes of "Jem" passed away on May 7th. This snark was dedicated to her, even though I haven't even gotten around to snarking on episodes with Carmen "Raya" Alonso in them yet.
