![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hollybrookeSource!
Naked Ambition
Secrets for success in the Playboy empire
By Jessica Schimmel
Hugh Hefner, 82, has created an erotic empire based around the famous Playboy lifestyle and a little bunny with a bow tie. Some may call the magazine's softly lit pictorials of curvaceous women sprawled out in sexy positions porn. Hefner calls it erotica.
Hef, as he likes to be called, has never been ashamed to be known as a womanizing party animal, a man who proudly lounges in silk robes with nothing underneath. In fact, although he is living with his three girlfriends—Holly, Bridget, and Kendra—he never actually divorced his last wife, former playmate Kimberly Conrad. He separated from Conrad in 1999 after the pair had two sons.
Hef is like any normal hot-blooded American who likes pretty ladies: He took a wife or two, has four kids, and lives in a Tudor-style mansion with luscious lawns and a personal zoo. Sounds like any old family man, right? Except this doting dad kicked his son out and boxed up his room when he turned 18 because he was afraid he would sleep with the Playmates. You don't do Daddy's ladies—house rules.
Hef may be a territorial man's man, but he's actually calmed down in his old age. His harem, which used to number seven women, has dwindled to three—all stars of E! reality series The Girls Next Door, which debuts its fifth season next week.
Hef may be a territorial man's man, but he's actually calmed down in his old age. His harem, which used to number seven women, has dwindled to three—all stars of E! reality series The Girls Next Door, which debuts its fifth season next week.
The show, which focuses on the day-to-day adventures of Hef's three lady friends, is a lighthearted look at life in the famous manse. Still, off camera, not everything is smooth as a Playmate's airbrushed naughty bits. Recently, rumors have emerged that both Holly and Kendra are involved in other relationships. (And Bridget is still technically married!) Though Hefner maintains that Holly "shares his bed nightly," rumors of his company's possible bankruptcy may send some of the more opportunistic bunnies scattering and leave room for one more in Hef's legendary rotation.
So how can you get noticed and optimize your chances for breaking into Hef's world? A source and former employee of the magazine divulged the salacious situations that no one gets to hear or see unless they are a fly on those famous Playboy walls. Here's your step-by-step guide to success:
Be a Busty Blonde
Hef loves his blondes! In fact, people at Playboy have told him time and again that he has to be more diverse in picking Playmates. What tickles his fancy? That's obvious. Bleach-blonde hair and big fake breasts.
Ironically, when number one girlfriend Holly first met Hef, she had dirty blond hair, small boobs, and was a bit chunkier. Even though she partied Playboy-style at the mansion, Hef never paid attention to her, no matter how hard she tried. Holly thought she would change things up and make herself into what he wanted. She bleached her hair, lost some weight, added on a few assets, and before she knew it, she was calling him Puffin.
Be Legal
Hef is no dummy. When he finds beautiful girls, even if they are underage, he wants them around. He had 17-year-old Splash starlet Daryl Hannah hang out poolside at the mansion, but never touched her because he was waiting for the day she would be more than "barely legal." It wasn't until Daryl's sister made a trip with her to the mansion and saw Daryl sitting on a man's lap that she told her sister she could never go back there.
Playmate Spencer Scott tested for Playboy via the traditional nude photo shoot when she was barely 18. She became the youngest Playmate in history.
What Happens at the Mansion Never Stays at the Mansion
Not only do you need to be comfortable showing off your hot body to the folks who do the casting, but you also better be comfortable with all of their friends seeing your bits and pieces.
Often, producers send out e-mails to friends, and even girlfriends, that include the "ugly boobs of the day contest." If your rack isn't perky and perfect, or if you're the victim of a botched boob job, you may end up in one of these cyberspace mailings. Beware. Or keep your top on. (Only in the grotto, of course.)
Be Willing to Take It All Off
Anyone can come and test for Playboy, and some girls claim to have dreamed of being a Playmate for as long as they can remember. Young and hot hopefuls sometimes show up with their parents and wait anxiously outside the casting call, telling fellow females that they have "dreamed of this their entire lives" and "would practice dressing up as Playmates as little girls."
When you go in for a casting, the casting director will sit and talk with you while videotaping the entire interview. Then they tell you to take your clothes off. Many girls ask to keep their bottoms on and, of course, you can, but if you chose to do so, you will never make Playmate. Once they get you naked, they start asking nasty questions like, "What is your favorite position?" and, "Do you like girls?" See, it's not all about looks. Sometimes it's about what you are willing to do.
You Must Like Loving Ladies
There is no way you will ever make Playmate if you are not willing to indulge in a few same-sex romps. Hef loves watching girls play with one another in every sense of the word.
Sexually, you have to be open to anything and everything. And while Hef is getting head or having sex, he likes having a bevy of bare beauties around him getting one another off. He is so sexually desensitized that it takes a lot to get him riled up.
Not surprisingly, most of the mansion employees are the same way. Most take Cialis or Viagra and need to watch some sort of porn in order to have sex. Even the young ones!
Make Friends with Holly
Hef made Holly the West Coast photo editor of Playboy in hopes of keeping her mind off having a baby. Hugh has no intention of marrying her or getting her pregnant. In fact, he is not exactly "with it," although the old timer is still able to memorize lines for the show. The producers, however, try to keep him off camera as much as possible.
Sara Jean Underwood, last year's Playmate of the Year/former Hooters waitress, only got the gig because she was a friend of Holly's—and guess who shares Hef's bed and ear?
As a matter of fact, the other Playmates were so upset with the decision that they decided not to show up to Sara's Playmate announcement. That is, until Hugh made a phone call and reminded them it was their job to be there.
Be Willing to Participate
When you're up for Playmate, you're invited to many parties at the mansion that you are expected to attend. You are also expected to spend the night when invited and "participate" in the after-parties. "Participating" means you receive a call to your room in the middle of the night with instructions to come to another room in the mansion. You can come in the buff or in lingerie—it's your choice.
Once you get there, you are given a brand-new vibrator and are encouraged to play with yourself and the other girls. Hef arrives and has sex or gets a good old-fashioned BJ from his girlfriend Holly while the potential Playmates play with themselves and one another. If you don't play well with others, then Playmate status is unattainable and you're never invited back to the mansion. Sorry. Those are the rules.
Keep to the Right
There's a reason Kendra always sits on Hef's left side. He's deaf in that ear and he cannot stand they way she "grates on his nerves." He would break up with his sporty sweetheart, but the producers think she makes for good TV.
Unfortunately for Kendra, co-girlfriends Holly and Bridget are not fond of her, either, and we know you have to be Holly's BFF to survive in this full house.
Be Ready to Swing
Nothing is off-limits for guests of the house—except for Holly, Bridget, and Kendra. All the other girls and guys hanging around the mansion are ready for a swinging good time. Sharing is caring in this household.
In fact, even Hef himself indulges in a romp or two. One night after a party, Hef ran into a drag queen while roaming the mansion. He proceeded to open his robe and kick back while the tranny happily gave Hef a hummer.
Hef Gets What Hef Wants
You may be wondering how Hef and his hotties can mate like rabbits without a bunch of little bunnies running around. Hef found a surefire way to keep pregnancy at bay: He's a fan of all anal all the time.
It appears to be working, although Holly is still asking for a little Puffin of her own.
I want to see how this comes out. I tried posting this to OhNoTheyDidnt, I included a source, I didn't hotlink, and it still got fucking rejected.
...IDGI. They can approve posts that consist of nothing but pictures of Britney Spears doing something random as leaving a dance rehearsal or getting Starbucks that really isn't celeb news, just an "OMG BRITNEY SIGHTING!! SHE LOOKS GREAT!" but try posting something that might be gossip-worthy like this, and it gets rejected.
But on a related note, I'm gonna start a running snark commentary on the new season--and previous seasons--for anyone interested in reading. You know, like I did with "Rock of Love."
Naked Ambition
Secrets for success in the Playboy empire
By Jessica Schimmel
Hugh Hefner, 82, has created an erotic empire based around the famous Playboy lifestyle and a little bunny with a bow tie. Some may call the magazine's softly lit pictorials of curvaceous women sprawled out in sexy positions porn. Hefner calls it erotica.
Hef, as he likes to be called, has never been ashamed to be known as a womanizing party animal, a man who proudly lounges in silk robes with nothing underneath. In fact, although he is living with his three girlfriends—Holly, Bridget, and Kendra—he never actually divorced his last wife, former playmate Kimberly Conrad. He separated from Conrad in 1999 after the pair had two sons.
Hef is like any normal hot-blooded American who likes pretty ladies: He took a wife or two, has four kids, and lives in a Tudor-style mansion with luscious lawns and a personal zoo. Sounds like any old family man, right? Except this doting dad kicked his son out and boxed up his room when he turned 18 because he was afraid he would sleep with the Playmates. You don't do Daddy's ladies—house rules.
Hef may be a territorial man's man, but he's actually calmed down in his old age. His harem, which used to number seven women, has dwindled to three—all stars of E! reality series The Girls Next Door, which debuts its fifth season next week.
Hef may be a territorial man's man, but he's actually calmed down in his old age. His harem, which used to number seven women, has dwindled to three—all stars of E! reality series The Girls Next Door, which debuts its fifth season next week.
The show, which focuses on the day-to-day adventures of Hef's three lady friends, is a lighthearted look at life in the famous manse. Still, off camera, not everything is smooth as a Playmate's airbrushed naughty bits. Recently, rumors have emerged that both Holly and Kendra are involved in other relationships. (And Bridget is still technically married!) Though Hefner maintains that Holly "shares his bed nightly," rumors of his company's possible bankruptcy may send some of the more opportunistic bunnies scattering and leave room for one more in Hef's legendary rotation.
So how can you get noticed and optimize your chances for breaking into Hef's world? A source and former employee of the magazine divulged the salacious situations that no one gets to hear or see unless they are a fly on those famous Playboy walls. Here's your step-by-step guide to success:
Be a Busty Blonde
Hef loves his blondes! In fact, people at Playboy have told him time and again that he has to be more diverse in picking Playmates. What tickles his fancy? That's obvious. Bleach-blonde hair and big fake breasts.
Ironically, when number one girlfriend Holly first met Hef, she had dirty blond hair, small boobs, and was a bit chunkier. Even though she partied Playboy-style at the mansion, Hef never paid attention to her, no matter how hard she tried. Holly thought she would change things up and make herself into what he wanted. She bleached her hair, lost some weight, added on a few assets, and before she knew it, she was calling him Puffin.
Be Legal
Hef is no dummy. When he finds beautiful girls, even if they are underage, he wants them around. He had 17-year-old Splash starlet Daryl Hannah hang out poolside at the mansion, but never touched her because he was waiting for the day she would be more than "barely legal." It wasn't until Daryl's sister made a trip with her to the mansion and saw Daryl sitting on a man's lap that she told her sister she could never go back there.
Playmate Spencer Scott tested for Playboy via the traditional nude photo shoot when she was barely 18. She became the youngest Playmate in history.
What Happens at the Mansion Never Stays at the Mansion
Not only do you need to be comfortable showing off your hot body to the folks who do the casting, but you also better be comfortable with all of their friends seeing your bits and pieces.
Often, producers send out e-mails to friends, and even girlfriends, that include the "ugly boobs of the day contest." If your rack isn't perky and perfect, or if you're the victim of a botched boob job, you may end up in one of these cyberspace mailings. Beware. Or keep your top on. (Only in the grotto, of course.)
Be Willing to Take It All Off
Anyone can come and test for Playboy, and some girls claim to have dreamed of being a Playmate for as long as they can remember. Young and hot hopefuls sometimes show up with their parents and wait anxiously outside the casting call, telling fellow females that they have "dreamed of this their entire lives" and "would practice dressing up as Playmates as little girls."
When you go in for a casting, the casting director will sit and talk with you while videotaping the entire interview. Then they tell you to take your clothes off. Many girls ask to keep their bottoms on and, of course, you can, but if you chose to do so, you will never make Playmate. Once they get you naked, they start asking nasty questions like, "What is your favorite position?" and, "Do you like girls?" See, it's not all about looks. Sometimes it's about what you are willing to do.
You Must Like Loving Ladies
There is no way you will ever make Playmate if you are not willing to indulge in a few same-sex romps. Hef loves watching girls play with one another in every sense of the word.
Sexually, you have to be open to anything and everything. And while Hef is getting head or having sex, he likes having a bevy of bare beauties around him getting one another off. He is so sexually desensitized that it takes a lot to get him riled up.
Not surprisingly, most of the mansion employees are the same way. Most take Cialis or Viagra and need to watch some sort of porn in order to have sex. Even the young ones!
Make Friends with Holly
Hef made Holly the West Coast photo editor of Playboy in hopes of keeping her mind off having a baby. Hugh has no intention of marrying her or getting her pregnant. In fact, he is not exactly "with it," although the old timer is still able to memorize lines for the show. The producers, however, try to keep him off camera as much as possible.
Sara Jean Underwood, last year's Playmate of the Year/former Hooters waitress, only got the gig because she was a friend of Holly's—and guess who shares Hef's bed and ear?
As a matter of fact, the other Playmates were so upset with the decision that they decided not to show up to Sara's Playmate announcement. That is, until Hugh made a phone call and reminded them it was their job to be there.
Be Willing to Participate
When you're up for Playmate, you're invited to many parties at the mansion that you are expected to attend. You are also expected to spend the night when invited and "participate" in the after-parties. "Participating" means you receive a call to your room in the middle of the night with instructions to come to another room in the mansion. You can come in the buff or in lingerie—it's your choice.
Once you get there, you are given a brand-new vibrator and are encouraged to play with yourself and the other girls. Hef arrives and has sex or gets a good old-fashioned BJ from his girlfriend Holly while the potential Playmates play with themselves and one another. If you don't play well with others, then Playmate status is unattainable and you're never invited back to the mansion. Sorry. Those are the rules.
Keep to the Right
There's a reason Kendra always sits on Hef's left side. He's deaf in that ear and he cannot stand they way she "grates on his nerves." He would break up with his sporty sweetheart, but the producers think she makes for good TV.
Unfortunately for Kendra, co-girlfriends Holly and Bridget are not fond of her, either, and we know you have to be Holly's BFF to survive in this full house.
Be Ready to Swing
Nothing is off-limits for guests of the house—except for Holly, Bridget, and Kendra. All the other girls and guys hanging around the mansion are ready for a swinging good time. Sharing is caring in this household.
In fact, even Hef himself indulges in a romp or two. One night after a party, Hef ran into a drag queen while roaming the mansion. He proceeded to open his robe and kick back while the tranny happily gave Hef a hummer.
Hef Gets What Hef Wants
You may be wondering how Hef and his hotties can mate like rabbits without a bunch of little bunnies running around. Hef found a surefire way to keep pregnancy at bay: He's a fan of all anal all the time.
It appears to be working, although Holly is still asking for a little Puffin of her own.
I want to see how this comes out. I tried posting this to OhNoTheyDidnt, I included a source, I didn't hotlink, and it still got fucking rejected.
...IDGI. They can approve posts that consist of nothing but pictures of Britney Spears doing something random as leaving a dance rehearsal or getting Starbucks that really isn't celeb news, just an "OMG BRITNEY SIGHTING!! SHE LOOKS GREAT!" but try posting something that might be gossip-worthy like this, and it gets rejected.
But on a related note, I'm gonna start a running snark commentary on the new season--and previous seasons--for anyone interested in reading. You know, like I did with "Rock of Love."
