I think I have the right to be angry

I don't talk about it much on my LiveJournal, but I feel it has to be addressed.

My friendship with Zero has gone down the shitter, & I don't want to hold myself responsible...well, maybe I am partially to blame, because it's stupid to let his girlfriend get in the way of it, but SHEESH. This is the same girlfriend he gave me the shaft for after New York. I feel like he's insulted me, hurt me, led me on, & just to alienate me. Then he has the balls to tell me I've changed.

Well, yeah. I have changed. I got tired of dealing with the crap that life throws my way. I work my butt off for a little more than slave wages, & I'm getting ready to further my education. I feel like I've become way more assertive this year that I have been in the past, and yet he makes me feel like I'm stupid, he makes me feel like my opinion doesn't matter, he makes me feel like I'm not worth the time of day. So yeah, I think I have the right to be angry. I've been dealing with a shitload of personal problems, I don't get a shoulder I can lean on, I have to do a lot of it on my own...

What I have been told in the past is that I have the right to not let anyone make me feel inferior, & Zero does that. I don't know if it's intentional, or if it's just a case of "open mouth, insert foot" with no apology, but I don't appreciate it.

So I'm wondering if I should just cut my losses & give up on this "friendship" if he's just going to continue making me feel like crap.

*sigh*

Gonna take a long time for me to ever be completely happy. And I don't know how to start.

I don't know why I let my emotions & bad attitude get the better of me sometimes...or the majority of the time anyway. Yes, maybe I have been a bitch. And please, in the future, for anyone out there reading this, if I ever turn into a self-destructive bitch who does nothing but whine & complain all of the time, LET ME KNOW. Don't let it go on. I like to be let known so it doesn't go on & I can give myself an attitude check.

Do I think Zero's been treating me like shit? Well...yeah. Do I think I've been a bitch to him? I don't think. I know I have. People hurt me, & I give attitude. And now he's going to turn it around & make it sound like he's the good guy (of course) & I'm the one who's being so mean to him. And yeah. I have been mean to him. But you know, that's what you get when you flaunt your girlfriend around & it feels like he's rubbing salt in the wound. Yes, I once had those kind of feelings for him, a long time ago. Yes, he hurt me once over it, & I got over it. At least I think I did. I don't know. It hurt me so badly, I don't know if I'll ever be 100% over it.

It's a bunch of stupid jealousy issues & mind-games. That's what it is.