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hollybrookeOkay....last week on "Rock of Love: Charm School," the girls got drunk and made anti-drinking PSAs, Heather imitated Britney Spears, Dallas and Lacey squabbled some more, Lacey was an obnoxious ass (as usual), and Dallas was eliminated.
First of all, a disclaimer. I've been putting off this week's commentary for a few reasons. It's been a busy week at work this week (pre-Thanksgiving rush); there's been plenty of crap to do around the house (i.e., cleaning); I caught a nasty cold and had no energy to get online and snark (although I did plenty from my bed when I first watched this episode); and after work on Sunday when I normally do this, despite my cold, I ended up going to Hooters for WWE Survivor Series with Kevin and a few of our friends....even though I paid attention to maybe 1/4th of the show. (Yeah, I've been getting bored with wrestling lately. WWE, anyway. TNA's been getting more entertaining to watch.) But let's be honest....after this week's episode, I'm getting really irritated with "Rock of Love: Charm School" turning into the "Evil Lacey Gets Away With Everything" show.
Anyhoo, let's get on with the recap/commentary. This was a hard one for me to watch this week, mainly of what happens after the challenge and who got eliminated for what reason, and I will go into a rant about this at the end of the commentary. This episode starts the morning after Dallas is eliminated. Lacey and Brandi C. are in the bathroom cleaning...well, Lacey is, and Brandi C. probably just used some WetOnes to give herself a whore's bath. They're all cheerful because Dallas was eliminated. They contemplate who they want to get eliminated next, and Lacey "sets her target" on Heather because she's paranoid. Oh, Lacey just hates Heather because of all of the BS from "Rock of Love." Lacey claims that she doesn't get how the girls don't get it, "Everytime one of them f***s with us, they get sent home." Yeah, why is that? I wonder. Sometimes I wonder if there's not a payoff from her dad to 51 Minds to give her the edit so his precious daughter gets some screentime to promote her craptastic music career. But more on that later.
Kristy Jo aka "Kay-Jay" to me (that just sounds better) finds the Oversized Note of the Day from Sharon, and brings it down to read to the rest of the girls.
"Good morning ladies. Today's the day to turn over a new leaf and take charge of your romantic fortunes. Your lesson will be to learn how to cultivate healthy relationships with yourself and with the opposite sex." Sharon thinks that all of the girls seriously need help in this department. Yeah, because none of them could snag a winner like Bret Michaels.
The girls all go back upstairs to groom and primp themselves and get dressed nice in their schoolgirl uniforms. YES! MEN! Kay-Jay is making note of this in her interview that they're all taking the special effort to look all nice and purdy for the menfolk. Lacey's talking about how she's going to look super sexy.
YEAH, RIGHT. This chick just ain't attractive, no matter how many times you want to hit her with the pretty stick. She can't even walk in heels right.
They all meet with Daniella and Riki down in the "Grand Hall." Today's commandment is...
HA HA HA HA HA HA. Because they were on "Rock of Love." It's so ironic! Their special guest today is a renowned relationship expert, Donna Barnes. Yeah. They've all had problems in the love department. Ask Bret!
Here's what Donna teaches them:
#1 "Don't show too much emotion too quickly." (In other words, DON'T HAVE A PERSONALITY!) Especially when alcohol is involved. PAY ATTENTION TO THIS. Like I said, don't have a personality!
#2 "Drink in moderation." I canNOT stress this enough. Donna tells the girls...and this is verbatim..."If you know that alcohol is going to make you emotional and it's going to cause you to do things that the next day you're going to wake up and go 'Oh my God, what did I do last night?', then don't drink!"
Like when Brandi M. got sloppy drunk in Vegas with Bret and blew chunks, then told Bret she loved him while he was holding her head over the toilet. I bet she cringes whenever thinking about that, mainly because it was on TV for EVERYONE to see.
#3 "Sex makes you stupid." When you start having sex, the hormones just make you go nuts, and then you feel connected, and then your thinking-mind goes out the window...especially if it's really GOOD sex, which is harder to stay away from than the alcohol.
Cut to Heather blabbing about how badly she got burned in the past. Literally. She's got the tattoo to prove it.
Riki asks if you should ever discuss your exes. Big fat NO. Which is tip #4. It's better to lie about it than to say "I prefer not to say." But sometimes your past creeps up on you, like Kay-Jay and her restraining orders and how she was in the middle of getting divorced during ROL2. Oh, Kristy Jo and all of her drama during ROL2. At least now, she seems to have gotten her shit in order...or so we think, anyway.
Basically, Daniella is emphasizing the girls to be confident and to attract men with their brains and personality. In a perfect world, this would be the right approach. What Brandi C. takes away from this? "Don't be a slut. But being a slut is kinda fun!"
QUOTE OF THE DAY! Brandi C., you get a gold star!:
"Ooh, sparkly!"
Riki feels it's time for the girls to apply what they've just learned on some actual guys! WOO!! They're going to be doing some speed dating with three "hunky" eligible bachelors. They will each get five minutes with each guy, and the guys will rate each girl based on her brains and personality and choose the winner on that criteria alone. Looks won't matter because....and this is the fun part....they're getting make-UNDERS! Sharon has hired some special effects artists from movie sets to give hit these girls with the ugly stick!
Here's the sort of work they've done:
But....but these girls LIKE lookinglike whorespretty! *sigh* Too bad, so sad.
Ha ha, you get the picture. UG-LEE. And here's what I hate. Sharon and Daniella are watching all of this from Sharon's office through the monitor and giggling with devilish glee. I would've never expected Mo'Nique to have done this on "Flavor of Love: Charm School." Sheesh, Sharon, if you can see all of this, why can't you bother yourself to monitor the girls when they're not doing their challenges?
They're even given "ugly girl" names!
Brandi C. is "Bertha." ("Now I know what it's like to be all the OTHER girls in the house!")
Jessica is "Bernice." Ugly person name?! I think not! I work with a very pretty woman named Bernice. She can't be much older than I am, and she's cute for her age.
Brandi M. is "Flo." ("'Flo' looks like a homeless bag lady who got kicked out of Bingo." I think Brandi M.'s description of her ugly alter ego is pretty right-on, actually!)
Lacey is "Gertrude." I didn't think it was possible for Lacey to get any uglier. I was wrong!
Destiney is "Hortense." Who the hell names their kid "Hortense" anymore?! Shit, they made her look like a homely farmer's daughter!
Heather is "Gladys." And she looks like a very ugly dude.
Kristy Jo is now "Ethel." And I quote this from someone on TelevisionWithoutPity.com, she looks like how Courteney Cox looked when Monica was younger and fat on "Friends."
Two of the bachelors are famous, actually! Charlie O'Connell and Ace Young from "American Idol"!
Brandi C.'s "date" with Charlie seems to go okay. She talks about how she likes guys to have goals and not just lay about on the couch and play videogames.
Lacey comes out for her "date" with Ace, and she's all, "I know you! You're from 'American Idol'!" Hey, guess what, everybody?! LACEY'S A MUSICIAN! Can we go ONE episode with her not mentioning this? Like I said, these shows are just a pathetic excuse to promote her craptastic music career that her daddy pays for. Anyway, "behind the curtain," the Wizard of OzSharon Osbourne tells Daniella that she can't imagine what a date with Lacey would be like because she never shuts up. And she talks a lot about herself.
Destiney comes out for her date with John Wolfe, an advertising executive. Attractive? Mmm...I guess so.
Each girl talks about their dating horror stories with Charlie, John and Ace. Big no-no. Daniella fakes some concern. Then Lacey goes on about her piercings to John, besides her eyebrow and lip and chin, she has another one in an area that's so overgrown, you can't really see it. EW. EW, Lacey, WTF?! Just TMI!!! Sharon doesn't think Lacey's taking this challenge very seriously at all.
Brandi M. seems to actually do very well with her dates. She's instigating conversation, and is polite with John, whom she thought was very conceited. But John seems to be very taken in with Brandi C. Kay-Jay's date with Charlie....not so good. They're struggling to find something to talk about. And it makes Kay-Jay realize that she really DOES depend on her looks to get guys when she's in the fat suit and 'fro. Well, at least she learned from this lesson.
The final results? John felt Brandi C. did a good job to find some common ground and to have some things to talk about. Charlie felt Lacey was trying to be like a chameleon, and it made her seem wishy-washy. Ace felt with Kristy Joe, she just filled the time with questions and he really didn't learn anything about her, and she could've learned to listen better. Charlie really liked Brandi M., Ace really liked Destiney, and John really like Brandi M. as well. Brandi M. won this challenge, thus making her exempt from expulsion this week. *phew* Thank GAWD. It'll be a week where Brandi M. won't be pushing out some crocodile tears to keep from getting booted! She is allowed to get herself out of her ugly makeup and clothes and to get prettied up, because they're going out to a club to celebrate! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
WITH Ace, Charlie and John! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
AND she gets to choose one friend to get un-uglied with her! She chooses Destiney, and Heather is irritated. She thought she and Brandi M. were cool, so her feelings are hurt. *sigh* Yeah, I think there will be some Heather-centric drama tonight. Oh well, Heather's going with, along with the other girls....STILL IN THEIR UGLY MAKEUP AND CLOTHES. Oh, Heather REALLY doesn't want to do THAT!
To me, this makes me think that Heather has some deep-rooted insecurities about the way she looks. But really, I know I wouldn't want to be forced to go out and party looking like absolute crap. So Heather pouts over it.
But she figures, "ALCOHOL MAY ALLEVIATE THIS SITUATION!"
As does Brandi C. Because there's absolutely NO way she's doing this sober.
I'm just going to quote Homer Simpson right now:
KEEP THIS IN MIND.
So Brandi M. and Destiney get to ride in the limo with Charlie, Ace and John. The other girls get to ride the "shortbus."
Because they're "special."
The "ugly" girls enter the bar. EVERYBODY GET YER BEER GOGGLES ON!
Brandi C. has one tequila....two tequilas....three tequilas...and turns into a drunken skank, who is actually kind of cute despite her ugly makeup and wig falling off. I think.
What's ironic is that just the other day, she and Brandi M. just made that PSA about how drinking can lead to being slutty. HA! Brandi M. jokes that Brandi C. didn't learn a DAMN thing from that!
Lacey is even more obnoxious as a drunk than she normally is.
Heather is surly and irritated. The fact that she looks very butch isn't helping her situation out, either, and I feel bad for her.
Then they all have to go home.
She's sure feeling those tequila shots NOW! Work that pole, gurl! By the time they get home, she's so beyond drunk, she's Heather-drunk....which I don't get, because...well, last week, Heather was one of the two who scored the lowest on the breathalyzer test. At home, Jessica's trying to feed Brandi C. some food to sober her up.
Now this is just SAD. Girl is a TERRIBLE drunk. And now is about the part where Brandi C. just...well, blacks out and doesn't remember a THING about what happens.
Okay.....let's rewind. Was it a good idea for ALL of the girls to go out to a bar, where they know they'll be around alcohol, when that Donna woman specifically told them to "avoid alcohol" when out with guys?
Meanwhile, Heather has to be escorted back to her room to lay down because she's a hot mess, too. AAAAAND....the wheels in evil Lacey's head start to turn. So Lacey pulls Brandi C. away and tries to remind her of how angry and upset she was when everyone was laughing and screaming in her face when Megan got eliminated. ESPECIALLY Heather, whom Lacey claims was drunk at the time. Which, you know, didn't happen. Everyone was happy and singing "PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!" and I don't even think Heather was drunk, but it doesn't matter. Brandi C. is drunk off her ass and pretty vulnerable at this point, so she's easy for Lacey to manipulate. She drags her into the room Heather's staying in, where Destiney and some of the other girls are trying to get Heather to at least eat something to sober up. And Lacey unleashes the beast in Brandi C.!
So now Brandi C. is squealing like a stuck pig/yelling and screaming like a banshee for no real reason, other than Lacey told her to. "Payback's a bitch, Heather!" Uh, what exactly is this payback for? Just you flat-out not liking Heather and ruining your chances with Bret Michaels? Especially when she called you out for screwing Bret and "sucking his dick right there on the staircase" in front of your dad? Probably. Because, if I remember correctly, you DID get eliminated that episode.
Destiney and Kay-Jay are trying to restrain Brandi C. and Lacey from the room because they're invading Heather's personal space and just being flat-out MEAN and irritating. And Brandi M. and Destiney are yelling at Brandi C. and Lacey to get out of the room. Destiney yells VERY loudly, "I ASKED YOU POLITELY, GET THE FUCK OUT!"
This is when Celebreality history is made again, folks!!!!!!
And it is a MASSIVE loogey. YOU STAY KLASSY, BRANDI C.!!
So after more screaming from Destiney for them to GTFO, Lacey FINALLY drags Brandi C. out of the room.
Afraid not, hon. I think your "friend" just made your situation worse.
But it's not over yet!!!! Not only is Heather drunk and puking her guts out, but in the middle of it all....thanks to the screaming in her face by Lacey and Brandi C.....she starts having a panic-induced asthma attack. Kristy Jo and Brandi M. are trying to help her calm down, but THAT'S not happening. When she finds out that Brandi C. spit in Destiney's face, she gets even more riled up.
ONCE AGAIN! Because animated gif form is good for the soul:
1. Jessica is amazing. Remind me why the hell she's in Charm School again? She doesn't need it.
2. Lacey TOTALLY started that shit. She didn't have to get in Heather's face when she walked by the phone.
3. Did it even look like that plate came remotely CLOSE to Lacey's head?
Heather's ready to just up and quit, but Brandi M., Destiney and Kristy Jo are urging her NOT to, because if she does, then that means LACEY'S WON. And they can't have that.
Finally, they all get to bed and get maybe two hours' worth of sleep. The next morning, Lacey's all, "I think Heather has single-handedly managed to get herself eliminated," with this smug expression on her face. (Oh, you think so?) Destiney is avoiding both Lacey and Brandi C. Jessica has a heart-to-heart with Brandi C., and tells her that based off what happened the previous night, she thinks that Lacey played her while she was drunk. Jessica tells her what happened....and Brandi C. doesn't remember ANY of it. Oh girl, this isn't good. WHAT was it Donna told the girls? "If you know that alcohol is going to make you emotional and it's going to cause you to do things that the next day you're going to wake up and go 'Oh my God, what did I do last night?', then don't drink!" Brandi C. is horrified that she even DID such a thing, and Jessica suggests that maybe she go talk with Destiney about it and apologize. And THIS is why Jessica rules.
Hug it out, girls.
So Brandi C. and Destiney talk about it--rationally--and Destiney tells her, "You're a sweet girl and all, but when you drink...you turn into a monster." It's a good conversation, nothing really worth snarking about. One of the more touching moments of Charm School, really. And they hug and make up. YAAAAY. Progress! And Destiney feels that Lacey just sabotaged her only friend left in the house.
Back inside, Heather's still upset over the plate-throwing incident, so she figures she's got to own up to it and talk to Sharon about it. She explains what happened, because she knows Lacey will try to talk HER way around it. Then Heather tells Sharon, "I'm not normally a violent person." (But she DID pound on Daisy at the ROL2 reunion. Pshaw, was I the only one who was unphased by that? Daisy got on my fucking nerves, and I still don't get why she's getting her OWN "--- of Love" special.) Sharon says she'll take it into consideration.
Elimination time. Tension is thick. There are only SEVEN girls left. And FINALLY, Brandi M. is safe!
"Lacey," Sharon says, "....here we are again." It seems that Lacey was the cause of getting Heather so frustrated, the only way she could vent was by physically throwing things. Lacey claims it was at her head. Brandi M. and other claim it was otherwise. Lacey tries tospin her side of the storyargue her case, but Riki makes her shut up and points out, "You always seem to be at the epicenter of EVERY fight that goes down!" Sharon and Daniella agree. But they want to hear Heather's side of the story. Heather tries explaining, but she's so frustrated by everything, she's panicking and probably on the verge of another asthma attack, so she asks Jessica to explain what she saw. Jessica says that she was the only sober one there, and she saw Heather launch the plate, but not at anyone. Lacey starts to argue in this hoarse-sounding voice, "YES SHE WAS!--" but Jessica cuts her off and tells her, "Hold on, this is my time now. I would like to use my time to explain what I saw."
Then Lacey starts up with the "I'M AN A-LIST CELEBRITY!" argument, which really has no place in this heated discussion. Lacey calls Heather an arrogant bully (Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?), then FINALLY Heather opens up her mouth and says that Brandi C. spit in Destiney's face. And you know, THAT really has no place in this discussion, either. Except that Lacey totally instigated it, which I feel was WHY Heather mentioned it, but Heather's just babbling at this point because Lacey is an evil, hateful bitch.
Sharon is all, "Spitting is against the law!" and wants to know why Brandi C. spit in Destiney's face. Frankly, Brandi C. doesn't know why because she was drunk. Sharon asks Destiney if Brandi C. should be eliminated because of this. Frankly, Destiney doesn't think so because she thinks Lacey instigated Brandi C.'s actions. And Riki speaks up again, "Lacey, you pick pick pick and start start start, and get everybody to start in fights while you have this magnetic pull thatwith you that makes people want to throw things at you."
But Sharon is fed up with this childish shit, and the spitting issue is an even BIGGER deal to her than throwing plates at people's heads, apparently. This coming from the woman who felt it was necessary to chuck random shit--including a whole ham--over into their neighbors' yard for disturbing the peace at nighttime. (Anyone else remember that episode of "The Osbournes"?!) She says, "Forget the elimination," and makes Brandi C. give back her pledge pin because she's automatically expelled.
I KNOW, RIGHT?!! Just when you think Lacey's FINALLY going to be sent home packing, THIS shit happens. It's stupid, I tell you. It's stupid because I felt Brandi C. really was making progress. Sharon felt so. Riki felt so, too. He even talked about it in RikiCam this week. It's stupid because people have been getting eliminated left and right because of Lacey's stupid shenanigans, and Lacey hasn't improved ONE bit, and somehow, she's still in the competition because she's been "offing these bitches one by one."
Now....before my rant, here's RikiCam for this week:
Riki's observant, okay? He's noticed that whenever there's a fight amongst the girls, Lacey is always in the middle of it. He's called her out on this quite a few times. Lacey has been down on the carpet nearly every time...yet she hasn't been eliminated yet. What shit does she have to pull that's so worse from what she's doing now to get eliminated? This seriously makes me think that there's some payoff from her father to Sharon or whoever's working for 51 Minds to get more screentime for his precious little girl and to help further her shitty music career. If not, then why the hell are Riki and Daniella even around? Do any of their opinions really matter in this competition? Because if they did, especially Riki's opinion of Lacey, Lacey would've been out as of THIS WEEK, I believe.
After this week, I kind of think this is all fixed, really.
First of all, a disclaimer. I've been putting off this week's commentary for a few reasons. It's been a busy week at work this week (pre-Thanksgiving rush); there's been plenty of crap to do around the house (i.e., cleaning); I caught a nasty cold and had no energy to get online and snark (although I did plenty from my bed when I first watched this episode); and after work on Sunday when I normally do this, despite my cold, I ended up going to Hooters for WWE Survivor Series with Kevin and a few of our friends....even though I paid attention to maybe 1/4th of the show. (Yeah, I've been getting bored with wrestling lately. WWE, anyway. TNA's been getting more entertaining to watch.) But let's be honest....after this week's episode, I'm getting really irritated with "Rock of Love: Charm School" turning into the "Evil Lacey Gets Away With Everything" show.
Anyhoo, let's get on with the recap/commentary. This was a hard one for me to watch this week, mainly of what happens after the challenge and who got eliminated for what reason, and I will go into a rant about this at the end of the commentary. This episode starts the morning after Dallas is eliminated. Lacey and Brandi C. are in the bathroom cleaning...well, Lacey is, and Brandi C. probably just used some WetOnes to give herself a whore's bath. They're all cheerful because Dallas was eliminated. They contemplate who they want to get eliminated next, and Lacey "sets her target" on Heather because she's paranoid. Oh, Lacey just hates Heather because of all of the BS from "Rock of Love." Lacey claims that she doesn't get how the girls don't get it, "Everytime one of them f***s with us, they get sent home." Yeah, why is that? I wonder. Sometimes I wonder if there's not a payoff from her dad to 51 Minds to give her the edit so his precious daughter gets some screentime to promote her craptastic music career. But more on that later.
Kristy Jo aka "Kay-Jay" to me (that just sounds better) finds the Oversized Note of the Day from Sharon, and brings it down to read to the rest of the girls.
"Good morning ladies. Today's the day to turn over a new leaf and take charge of your romantic fortunes. Your lesson will be to learn how to cultivate healthy relationships with yourself and with the opposite sex." Sharon thinks that all of the girls seriously need help in this department. Yeah, because none of them could snag a winner like Bret Michaels.
The girls all go back upstairs to groom and primp themselves and get dressed nice in their schoolgirl uniforms. YES! MEN! Kay-Jay is making note of this in her interview that they're all taking the special effort to look all nice and purdy for the menfolk. Lacey's talking about how she's going to look super sexy.
YEAH, RIGHT. This chick just ain't attractive, no matter how many times you want to hit her with the pretty stick. She can't even walk in heels right.
They all meet with Daniella and Riki down in the "Grand Hall." Today's commandment is...
HA HA HA HA HA HA. Because they were on "Rock of Love." It's so ironic! Their special guest today is a renowned relationship expert, Donna Barnes. Yeah. They've all had problems in the love department. Ask Bret!
Here's what Donna teaches them:
#1 "Don't show too much emotion too quickly." (In other words, DON'T HAVE A PERSONALITY!) Especially when alcohol is involved. PAY ATTENTION TO THIS. Like I said, don't have a personality!
#2 "Drink in moderation." I canNOT stress this enough. Donna tells the girls...and this is verbatim..."If you know that alcohol is going to make you emotional and it's going to cause you to do things that the next day you're going to wake up and go 'Oh my God, what did I do last night?', then don't drink!"
Like when Brandi M. got sloppy drunk in Vegas with Bret and blew chunks, then told Bret she loved him while he was holding her head over the toilet. I bet she cringes whenever thinking about that, mainly because it was on TV for EVERYONE to see.
#3 "Sex makes you stupid." When you start having sex, the hormones just make you go nuts, and then you feel connected, and then your thinking-mind goes out the window...especially if it's really GOOD sex, which is harder to stay away from than the alcohol.
Cut to Heather blabbing about how badly she got burned in the past. Literally. She's got the tattoo to prove it.
Riki asks if you should ever discuss your exes. Big fat NO. Which is tip #4. It's better to lie about it than to say "I prefer not to say." But sometimes your past creeps up on you, like Kay-Jay and her restraining orders and how she was in the middle of getting divorced during ROL2. Oh, Kristy Jo and all of her drama during ROL2. At least now, she seems to have gotten her shit in order...or so we think, anyway.
Basically, Daniella is emphasizing the girls to be confident and to attract men with their brains and personality. In a perfect world, this would be the right approach. What Brandi C. takes away from this? "Don't be a slut. But being a slut is kinda fun!"
QUOTE OF THE DAY! Brandi C., you get a gold star!:
"Ooh, sparkly!"
Riki feels it's time for the girls to apply what they've just learned on some actual guys! WOO!! They're going to be doing some speed dating with three "hunky" eligible bachelors. They will each get five minutes with each guy, and the guys will rate each girl based on her brains and personality and choose the winner on that criteria alone. Looks won't matter because....and this is the fun part....they're getting make-UNDERS! Sharon has hired some special effects artists from movie sets to give hit these girls with the ugly stick!
Here's the sort of work they've done:
But....but these girls LIKE looking
Ha ha, you get the picture. UG-LEE. And here's what I hate. Sharon and Daniella are watching all of this from Sharon's office through the monitor and giggling with devilish glee. I would've never expected Mo'Nique to have done this on "Flavor of Love: Charm School." Sheesh, Sharon, if you can see all of this, why can't you bother yourself to monitor the girls when they're not doing their challenges?
They're even given "ugly girl" names!
Brandi C. is "Bertha." ("Now I know what it's like to be all the OTHER girls in the house!")
Jessica is "Bernice." Ugly person name?! I think not! I work with a very pretty woman named Bernice. She can't be much older than I am, and she's cute for her age.
Brandi M. is "Flo." ("'Flo' looks like a homeless bag lady who got kicked out of Bingo." I think Brandi M.'s description of her ugly alter ego is pretty right-on, actually!)
Lacey is "Gertrude." I didn't think it was possible for Lacey to get any uglier. I was wrong!
Destiney is "Hortense." Who the hell names their kid "Hortense" anymore?! Shit, they made her look like a homely farmer's daughter!
Heather is "Gladys." And she looks like a very ugly dude.
Kristy Jo is now "Ethel." And I quote this from someone on TelevisionWithoutPity.com, she looks like how Courteney Cox looked when Monica was younger and fat on "Friends."
Two of the bachelors are famous, actually! Charlie O'Connell and Ace Young from "American Idol"!
Brandi C.'s "date" with Charlie seems to go okay. She talks about how she likes guys to have goals and not just lay about on the couch and play videogames.
Lacey comes out for her "date" with Ace, and she's all, "I know you! You're from 'American Idol'!" Hey, guess what, everybody?! LACEY'S A MUSICIAN! Can we go ONE episode with her not mentioning this? Like I said, these shows are just a pathetic excuse to promote her craptastic music career that her daddy pays for. Anyway, "behind the curtain,"
Destiney comes out for her date with John Wolfe, an advertising executive. Attractive? Mmm...I guess so.
Each girl talks about their dating horror stories with Charlie, John and Ace. Big no-no. Daniella fakes some concern. Then Lacey goes on about her piercings to John, besides her eyebrow and lip and chin, she has another one in an area that's so overgrown, you can't really see it. EW. EW, Lacey, WTF?! Just TMI!!! Sharon doesn't think Lacey's taking this challenge very seriously at all.
Brandi M. seems to actually do very well with her dates. She's instigating conversation, and is polite with John, whom she thought was very conceited. But John seems to be very taken in with Brandi C. Kay-Jay's date with Charlie....not so good. They're struggling to find something to talk about. And it makes Kay-Jay realize that she really DOES depend on her looks to get guys when she's in the fat suit and 'fro. Well, at least she learned from this lesson.
The final results? John felt Brandi C. did a good job to find some common ground and to have some things to talk about. Charlie felt Lacey was trying to be like a chameleon, and it made her seem wishy-washy. Ace felt with Kristy Joe, she just filled the time with questions and he really didn't learn anything about her, and she could've learned to listen better. Charlie really liked Brandi M., Ace really liked Destiney, and John really like Brandi M. as well. Brandi M. won this challenge, thus making her exempt from expulsion this week. *phew* Thank GAWD. It'll be a week where Brandi M. won't be pushing out some crocodile tears to keep from getting booted! She is allowed to get herself out of her ugly makeup and clothes and to get prettied up, because they're going out to a club to celebrate! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
WITH Ace, Charlie and John! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
AND she gets to choose one friend to get un-uglied with her! She chooses Destiney, and Heather is irritated. She thought she and Brandi M. were cool, so her feelings are hurt. *sigh* Yeah, I think there will be some Heather-centric drama tonight. Oh well, Heather's going with, along with the other girls....STILL IN THEIR UGLY MAKEUP AND CLOTHES. Oh, Heather REALLY doesn't want to do THAT!
To me, this makes me think that Heather has some deep-rooted insecurities about the way she looks. But really, I know I wouldn't want to be forced to go out and party looking like absolute crap. So Heather pouts over it.
But she figures, "ALCOHOL MAY ALLEVIATE THIS SITUATION!"
As does Brandi C. Because there's absolutely NO way she's doing this sober.
I'm just going to quote Homer Simpson right now:
KEEP THIS IN MIND.
So Brandi M. and Destiney get to ride in the limo with Charlie, Ace and John. The other girls get to ride the "shortbus."
Because they're "special."
The "ugly" girls enter the bar. EVERYBODY GET YER BEER GOGGLES ON!
Brandi C. has one tequila....two tequilas....three tequilas...and turns into a drunken skank, who is actually kind of cute despite her ugly makeup and wig falling off. I think.
What's ironic is that just the other day, she and Brandi M. just made that PSA about how drinking can lead to being slutty. HA! Brandi M. jokes that Brandi C. didn't learn a DAMN thing from that!
Lacey is even more obnoxious as a drunk than she normally is.
Heather is surly and irritated. The fact that she looks very butch isn't helping her situation out, either, and I feel bad for her.
Then they all have to go home.
She's sure feeling those tequila shots NOW! Work that pole, gurl! By the time they get home, she's so beyond drunk, she's Heather-drunk....which I don't get, because...well, last week, Heather was one of the two who scored the lowest on the breathalyzer test. At home, Jessica's trying to feed Brandi C. some food to sober her up.
Now this is just SAD. Girl is a TERRIBLE drunk. And now is about the part where Brandi C. just...well, blacks out and doesn't remember a THING about what happens.
Okay.....let's rewind. Was it a good idea for ALL of the girls to go out to a bar, where they know they'll be around alcohol, when that Donna woman specifically told them to "avoid alcohol" when out with guys?
Meanwhile, Heather has to be escorted back to her room to lay down because she's a hot mess, too. AAAAAND....the wheels in evil Lacey's head start to turn. So Lacey pulls Brandi C. away and tries to remind her of how angry and upset she was when everyone was laughing and screaming in her face when Megan got eliminated. ESPECIALLY Heather, whom Lacey claims was drunk at the time. Which, you know, didn't happen. Everyone was happy and singing "PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!" and I don't even think Heather was drunk, but it doesn't matter. Brandi C. is drunk off her ass and pretty vulnerable at this point, so she's easy for Lacey to manipulate. She drags her into the room Heather's staying in, where Destiney and some of the other girls are trying to get Heather to at least eat something to sober up. And Lacey unleashes the beast in Brandi C.!
So now Brandi C. is squealing like a stuck pig/yelling and screaming like a banshee for no real reason, other than Lacey told her to. "Payback's a bitch, Heather!" Uh, what exactly is this payback for? Just you flat-out not liking Heather and ruining your chances with Bret Michaels? Especially when she called you out for screwing Bret and "sucking his dick right there on the staircase" in front of your dad? Probably. Because, if I remember correctly, you DID get eliminated that episode.
Destiney and Kay-Jay are trying to restrain Brandi C. and Lacey from the room because they're invading Heather's personal space and just being flat-out MEAN and irritating. And Brandi M. and Destiney are yelling at Brandi C. and Lacey to get out of the room. Destiney yells VERY loudly, "I ASKED YOU POLITELY, GET THE FUCK OUT!"
This is when Celebreality history is made again, folks!!!!!!
And it is a MASSIVE loogey. YOU STAY KLASSY, BRANDI C.!!
So after more screaming from Destiney for them to GTFO, Lacey FINALLY drags Brandi C. out of the room.
Afraid not, hon. I think your "friend" just made your situation worse.
But it's not over yet!!!! Not only is Heather drunk and puking her guts out, but in the middle of it all....thanks to the screaming in her face by Lacey and Brandi C.....she starts having a panic-induced asthma attack. Kristy Jo and Brandi M. are trying to help her calm down, but THAT'S not happening. When she finds out that Brandi C. spit in Destiney's face, she gets even more riled up.
ONCE AGAIN! Because animated gif form is good for the soul:
1. Jessica is amazing. Remind me why the hell she's in Charm School again? She doesn't need it.
2. Lacey TOTALLY started that shit. She didn't have to get in Heather's face when she walked by the phone.
3. Did it even look like that plate came remotely CLOSE to Lacey's head?
Heather's ready to just up and quit, but Brandi M., Destiney and Kristy Jo are urging her NOT to, because if she does, then that means LACEY'S WON. And they can't have that.
Finally, they all get to bed and get maybe two hours' worth of sleep. The next morning, Lacey's all, "I think Heather has single-handedly managed to get herself eliminated," with this smug expression on her face. (Oh, you think so?) Destiney is avoiding both Lacey and Brandi C. Jessica has a heart-to-heart with Brandi C., and tells her that based off what happened the previous night, she thinks that Lacey played her while she was drunk. Jessica tells her what happened....and Brandi C. doesn't remember ANY of it. Oh girl, this isn't good. WHAT was it Donna told the girls? "If you know that alcohol is going to make you emotional and it's going to cause you to do things that the next day you're going to wake up and go 'Oh my God, what did I do last night?', then don't drink!" Brandi C. is horrified that she even DID such a thing, and Jessica suggests that maybe she go talk with Destiney about it and apologize. And THIS is why Jessica rules.
Hug it out, girls.
So Brandi C. and Destiney talk about it--rationally--and Destiney tells her, "You're a sweet girl and all, but when you drink...you turn into a monster." It's a good conversation, nothing really worth snarking about. One of the more touching moments of Charm School, really. And they hug and make up. YAAAAY. Progress! And Destiney feels that Lacey just sabotaged her only friend left in the house.
Back inside, Heather's still upset over the plate-throwing incident, so she figures she's got to own up to it and talk to Sharon about it. She explains what happened, because she knows Lacey will try to talk HER way around it. Then Heather tells Sharon, "I'm not normally a violent person." (But she DID pound on Daisy at the ROL2 reunion. Pshaw, was I the only one who was unphased by that? Daisy got on my fucking nerves, and I still don't get why she's getting her OWN "--- of Love" special.) Sharon says she'll take it into consideration.
Elimination time. Tension is thick. There are only SEVEN girls left. And FINALLY, Brandi M. is safe!
"Lacey," Sharon says, "....here we are again." It seems that Lacey was the cause of getting Heather so frustrated, the only way she could vent was by physically throwing things. Lacey claims it was at her head. Brandi M. and other claim it was otherwise. Lacey tries to
Then Lacey starts up with the "I'M AN A-LIST CELEBRITY!" argument, which really has no place in this heated discussion. Lacey calls Heather an arrogant bully (Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?), then FINALLY Heather opens up her mouth and says that Brandi C. spit in Destiney's face. And you know, THAT really has no place in this discussion, either. Except that Lacey totally instigated it, which I feel was WHY Heather mentioned it, but Heather's just babbling at this point because Lacey is an evil, hateful bitch.
Sharon is all, "Spitting is against the law!" and wants to know why Brandi C. spit in Destiney's face. Frankly, Brandi C. doesn't know why because she was drunk. Sharon asks Destiney if Brandi C. should be eliminated because of this. Frankly, Destiney doesn't think so because she thinks Lacey instigated Brandi C.'s actions. And Riki speaks up again, "Lacey, you pick pick pick and start start start, and get everybody to start in fights while you have this magnetic pull thatwith you that makes people want to throw things at you."
But Sharon is fed up with this childish shit, and the spitting issue is an even BIGGER deal to her than throwing plates at people's heads, apparently. This coming from the woman who felt it was necessary to chuck random shit--including a whole ham--over into their neighbors' yard for disturbing the peace at nighttime. (Anyone else remember that episode of "The Osbournes"?!) She says, "Forget the elimination," and makes Brandi C. give back her pledge pin because she's automatically expelled.
I KNOW, RIGHT?!! Just when you think Lacey's FINALLY going to be sent home packing, THIS shit happens. It's stupid, I tell you. It's stupid because I felt Brandi C. really was making progress. Sharon felt so. Riki felt so, too. He even talked about it in RikiCam this week. It's stupid because people have been getting eliminated left and right because of Lacey's stupid shenanigans, and Lacey hasn't improved ONE bit, and somehow, she's still in the competition because she's been "offing these bitches one by one."
Now....before my rant, here's RikiCam for this week:
Riki's observant, okay? He's noticed that whenever there's a fight amongst the girls, Lacey is always in the middle of it. He's called her out on this quite a few times. Lacey has been down on the carpet nearly every time...yet she hasn't been eliminated yet. What shit does she have to pull that's so worse from what she's doing now to get eliminated? This seriously makes me think that there's some payoff from her father to Sharon or whoever's working for 51 Minds to get more screentime for his precious little girl and to help further her shitty music career. If not, then why the hell are Riki and Daniella even around? Do any of their opinions really matter in this competition? Because if they did, especially Riki's opinion of Lacey, Lacey would've been out as of THIS WEEK, I believe.
After this week, I kind of think this is all fixed, really.
