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well, it doesn't look good :(
Mar. 30th, 2009 09:39 amMom got a call from Dad last night, since he's down in Birmingham with Grandma Cozie.
Here's what's up. There's bile going into her blood, which isn't good. The doctors wanted to do some re-routing (what into where, I can't remember), but she's already had half of her stomach removed because of the initial stomach cancer. Plus, the cancer has spread into her pancreas and possibly into her lymph nodes as well. As of last night, the doctors wanted to move her into the intensive care unit. She didn't want that. And if anything should happen, she's now requested DNR--do not resuscitate.
So....yeah. Mom and I are trying to be realistic about this and get affairs taken care of up here in the event that we do have to go down for a funeral. Hunter got kind of shitty with us last night about it, like we just want her to die because we've never gotten along with her very well. It's not that we want her to die; we don't want her to suffer anymore. Because let's face it--she's dealt with enough as it is; except for my dad (and us) and her brother, she doesn't have much family left. To drag it all out now and for her to be in this kind of pain....it's inhumane, and she doesn't deserve it. She made me and Dad her proxies to make those sort of decisions for her when she's incapable of making them. I don't know what Dad would want...I think he's holding out on hope that she'll hang in there, and who knows? Maybe she will. But here are the facts: she's been dealing with this for a long time, she hasn't been taking very good care of herself, she's refusing all kinds of help, and her immune system is more than likely very weakened after the kidney stone infection. Like I said, I don't want her to suffer anymore or be in pain.
And of course, Mom's aware that she and Dad will have a big fight over what to do with her house and all of her belongings. He'll want to keep it all, we don't need it all, we don't have room for it all, it'll be a huge inconvenience for us (or Mom and Dad, really) to move down to Opp, Alabama just to live in that house, and it'll be even harder for us to sell it because it's in the middle of nowhere.
I guess the best thing I can do now is be as rational about it as i can and be strong for everyone. Like I said earlier, I wish I could feel more emotion about it, but Grandma Cozie and I have never been particularly that close. But she's family, after all...it's like in "King Lear" when Cordelia tells Lear in the beginning she loves him as much as she can love him as a father, but that's as far as it goes. I had this conversation a couple of years ago with Stephanie and Elanda and Debbie when Aunt Ruth died. They took it really hard when Aunt Ruth died because she was very close to all of her grandkids and children-in-law. I remember telling them that I wish I had that kind of closeness with Grandma Cozie. And Debbie told me that the way Grandma Cozie has treated me (and Mom) never went unnoticed with her, and she always felt it was never really right.
I don't know, I guess I just feel very...wayward about it, if that's the right word to use. I don't know how to feel. I think because so many of my immediate family has passed away, I've grown insensitive towards death and loss. I tell myself that God has a plan, and if it's your time to go, then it's just your time to go.
Here's what's up. There's bile going into her blood, which isn't good. The doctors wanted to do some re-routing (what into where, I can't remember), but she's already had half of her stomach removed because of the initial stomach cancer. Plus, the cancer has spread into her pancreas and possibly into her lymph nodes as well. As of last night, the doctors wanted to move her into the intensive care unit. She didn't want that. And if anything should happen, she's now requested DNR--do not resuscitate.
So....yeah. Mom and I are trying to be realistic about this and get affairs taken care of up here in the event that we do have to go down for a funeral. Hunter got kind of shitty with us last night about it, like we just want her to die because we've never gotten along with her very well. It's not that we want her to die; we don't want her to suffer anymore. Because let's face it--she's dealt with enough as it is; except for my dad (and us) and her brother, she doesn't have much family left. To drag it all out now and for her to be in this kind of pain....it's inhumane, and she doesn't deserve it. She made me and Dad her proxies to make those sort of decisions for her when she's incapable of making them. I don't know what Dad would want...I think he's holding out on hope that she'll hang in there, and who knows? Maybe she will. But here are the facts: she's been dealing with this for a long time, she hasn't been taking very good care of herself, she's refusing all kinds of help, and her immune system is more than likely very weakened after the kidney stone infection. Like I said, I don't want her to suffer anymore or be in pain.
And of course, Mom's aware that she and Dad will have a big fight over what to do with her house and all of her belongings. He'll want to keep it all, we don't need it all, we don't have room for it all, it'll be a huge inconvenience for us (or Mom and Dad, really) to move down to Opp, Alabama just to live in that house, and it'll be even harder for us to sell it because it's in the middle of nowhere.
I guess the best thing I can do now is be as rational about it as i can and be strong for everyone. Like I said earlier, I wish I could feel more emotion about it, but Grandma Cozie and I have never been particularly that close. But she's family, after all...it's like in "King Lear" when Cordelia tells Lear in the beginning she loves him as much as she can love him as a father, but that's as far as it goes. I had this conversation a couple of years ago with Stephanie and Elanda and Debbie when Aunt Ruth died. They took it really hard when Aunt Ruth died because she was very close to all of her grandkids and children-in-law. I remember telling them that I wish I had that kind of closeness with Grandma Cozie. And Debbie told me that the way Grandma Cozie has treated me (and Mom) never went unnoticed with her, and she always felt it was never really right.
I don't know, I guess I just feel very...wayward about it, if that's the right word to use. I don't know how to feel. I think because so many of my immediate family has passed away, I've grown insensitive towards death and loss. I tell myself that God has a plan, and if it's your time to go, then it's just your time to go.
