....well, it's over

The last show was Saturday night. And while I wasn't performing, I think I had more fun just watching the movie and engaging in audience participation like I did the first time I went to see it. I honestly thought that not having been involved in cast for the last couple of months would seperate me from the shock of everything culminating in the end like this. It didn't...well, not entirely. I know there's going to be a life after Rocky Horror and the Crossroads and everything. Granted it won't be much of a life (well, not around here in NW Indiana anyway), but I know there's more to life.

I stuck around for a little bit after the show and said my goodbyes, but I hate having to say goodbye like I'm not going to see any of my friends anymore. I plan on keeping in touch, for sure. I've made too many good friends in the last few years to just cast off now (save for one, anyway, but you know what I mean. I didn't say a word to said individual, but I really don't care anymore about all of that).

I was thinking that I was going to have a delayed reaction to everything ending...and then I saw that Shawn showed up. Ages ago when I went to my first show, I went with Tina. It was back then when she introduced me to Justice and some other friends of theirs and Shawn. Shawn is Justice's half-brother, and it was both our first time going to Rocky Horror. So seeing Shawn at the last show just reminded me of that first time when I went, back when I was nineteen and just starting college and growing up and seeing more of the world and expanding my social circle. Back when I was still so green and innocent.

Some of the stuff I will always remember from the last few years in cast will always have to be the New York convention. Even though there was all the fallout afterwards and me taking my time off from performing, I don't regret going to New York. I remember running around Times Square looking for a place that sold cheap black underwear since I left my floorshow undies at home in Indiana, and then I pussied out and bought a ridiculously overpriced black thong with "I <3 NY" studded on it with rhinestones. I remember going to Ground Zero on the second morning after I couldn't get enough sleep since Jim was doing some random chick while I was trying to get some sleep. I remember us getting lost on the subway systems trying to get to Ground Zero in the first place. And I remember being crabby as hell the next day due to the lack of sleep.

I will always remember how fun Kung Fu Night was, and how cool everyone's interpretation of their characters were. I will always remember Casey taking the abuse from the cattle prod. I will always remember the way Shawn would torture the stupid virgins who wouldn't come to the stage by pulling hair out of his chest/pubes/ass and sprinkling it on said virgins. I will always remember Fester running around in his thong and just being Fester and how amusing and fun it was seeing him in his element. I will always remember what a sweetheart Boojie will always be and his big hugs. I will always remember Mat looking up my skirt right before "Time Warp" and how sweaty he'd get after "Toucha Toucha" and his nasty farts. I will always remember how cold that desk would be during bedroom scene, and I will never forget repeatedly slamming my right knee (now my bum knee) into the stage when rolling under Dane/Tim/Mat/Fez. I will always remember how much Elyse reminded me of a disco ball when she'd twirl around in her sequinned Columbia outfit. I will always remember when Amanda did her Trixie routine in the Teletubby costume with the dildo attached to it. I will remember when Brian came to pick me up when the weather was particularly bad and the roads out where I live were less-than-favorable to be driving around in. (Believe me, I wasn't lying about it.) I will always remember Cecilia and her Trixie routine that was just her impersonating Cher during her "If I Could Turn Back Time" video. I will remember when Cecilia flashed the audience during the presentation of "Schwantz Lake" at the New York con (which wasn't planned, but it was amazing the way her toga just flew off at the right moment). I will never forget all the times either TR or Mitch would grope my ass when hugging me. I will never forget my 22nd birthday when all of us went to the Pioneer Tap to celebrate me, Dane and Chris having birthdays within the same weekend. I will remember when we were trying to set up the Fright Fest thing last year, and the only ones from the Pink Invaders that went were me, Fester and Pants.

A lot of my fondest memories revolve around alcohol, amazingly, how Greg nearly busted me sneaking stuff in and lecturing me about it and how he didn't want to see me screw up because I'm "a good girl like that." And how I got drunk off my ass at the one cast party at Lee's Inn. That was the day I found out Dan proposed to Becky; I couldn't handle that very well, and I couldn't handle my alcohol very well, either. :(

I really hate to say it, but a lot of the really fun memories involve Zero. And it pisses me off to admit to that, especially since he and I are no longer friends. And it sucks that it had to end the way it did with me and him, but really...did he really expect me to be cool with him and Kristen getting back together again, especially after how he broke it to me after the New York convention? I'm not stupid. I didn't push him away--I felt like he betrayed me, stabbed me in the back/heart and drove me away. He made me feel unwanted, he made me feel like my thoughts and opinions didn't matter, and he made me feel unwelcome. Friends don't do that sort of stuff to each other. And I don't know what I did to deserve such treatment. Twenty years from now, I'll still be scratching my head trying to figure this one out.

There are a lot more memories that I'll have from the whole experience that will probably surface later. Just wanted to get it all out of my system now.

a reprive!

I just walked four stories up to my professional writing class in Hawthorn Hall to find out that class is cancelled this week. Why--I have no clue. Maybe Prof. Baig wants us to get a jumpstart on our final projects?

I'm just pissed that I had to walk four flights of stairs--in heels--to find this out. *lol* Oh well.

I have to get started on final projects for three of my four classes. In my philosophy class, I'm supposed to write a paper on one of the topics we discussed in class and support my stance on it. Earlier today (after class ended), one of my classmates and I were discussing what we were going to do for our papers. She plans on doing hers on euthanasia, and I told her I was probably doing mine on the connection between body and soul (defining a human being, what we discussed in the last week), and the conversation just drifted to what motivated us for our choices. A lot of my motivation is stemming from seeing what my mom has to deal with on a day-to-day basis with her MS, and how she's never going to get better and how it affects her mentally. It was just weird...I was able to bond with someone I barely knew, someone I just sit next to everyday in that class and randomly chit-chat with. I guess that's part of the friend-making process. :)

For my professional writing class, our professor's giving us one of three options. We can either do a formal report with empirical research, we can do a position paper, or we can do a grant proposal. I'm probably going to do a position paper on why we should do away with the "No Student Left Behind" act.

And for that stupid stupid political science class, I have to do a book report on this boring book that I chose to read. Ugh. I hate that class. Tomorrow, I have that midterm for my earth science lab, and in two weeks I have my midterm for the lecture portion of the class. So I have my work cut out for me.