Catwoman!

Catwoman
I start this review off by asking, Who the hell is Pitof? I'd like to know so I can kick his ass for making such a shitty movie. It could have been so much better. Yeah, this version of Catwoman has nothing to do with Batman at all, but it could have worked out on so many levels if it weren't for a shitty script with not much character or plot development.

We have Patience Phillips played by the ultra-hot Halle Berry (yeah, I'm a non-lesbian and I think Halle Berry is ultra-hot; I'd kill to look like her...or Angelina Jolie). Patience is an artist at heart who has sold her soul to design ads for a cosmetics conglomerate corporation. She's weak-willed, and ALWAYS saying "Sorry," even to the cop/detective played by the equally-babelicious Benjamin Bratt (who cares what the name of his character is? He's HAWT!) who tries to rescue her after what he thinks is a suicide attempt (she's rescuing a stray cat! Derr!). Patience stumbles upon some information about a much hyped-up product her boss (Sharon Stone) is planning to launch, and gets sent down to live with the fishes. She has DIED, and all the cats come around and do some voodoo shit and one of them breathes his tuna-breath essence on her and whoopie-doo, she's ALIVE again! And now she has cat-like agility, chows tuna out of the can, likes to prance about her apartment stealthfully...you get the idea. SHE'S A CAT-WOMAN. So she goes out for revenge on who tried to kill her.

So, what went wrong? It could have been so much better. I'm not blaming Halle Berry because she IS a good actress who really did deserve her Oscar. I blame whoever wrote the script and whoever the hell this "Pitof" is (GET A FUCKING LAST NAME!). Yeah, little pre-pubescent girls will like this movie because of it's "girl power" ways (Yeah, don shredded leather pants and a leather push-up bra and kittie ears, literally paint on some black cat-eye makeup and lacquer on the red lipstick and BOOM! GIRL POWER! "Meeeyow!") and its R&B infused soundtrack/score. (You could do a drinking game with the amount of times you hear an urban female voice going "ooooh, oooh" in the background.) I would have liked to have seen more of Alex Borstein's (Lois from "Family Guy") character in the movie, or whoever the obviously gay guy friend/coworker was. Sharon Stone gave one of her worst performances to date; watching her in this movie, I got this vibe as if she were thinking, "I'm doing this commercial piece of shit for the money, I'm just holding out for a BETTER movie."

And if you're wondering, "I know there's a link between Halle Berry and Sharon Stone besides this movie, what the hell IS it?!" I'll tell you what it is: Halle Berry played the secretary in The Flintstones movie named...Sharon Stone. Wow. It all comes full circle.

It's so bad, you have to see it just to see how bad it is, and to get a chuckle.

more movie reviews!

The Forgotten

Okay, so this movie didn't suck! I didn't expect it to, though. Telly (Julianne Moore, who really needs to win some sort of acting award someday soon) supposedly lost her son in a plane accident about a year ago and just refuses to let go of any memory of her son. Her husband and nearly everyone else, all of a sudden, has let go and pretty soon all evidence that Telly's son ever existed is wiped out. Her shrink (Gary Sinise) suggests that she's delusional, and Telly discovers she is indeed not crazy when Ash--a parent of one of her son's friends who died on the same flight--can remember his daughter. The feds are onto them, and they really shouldn't have been called in to examine this, and pretty soon Telly and Ash are trying to ditch the feds to find the truth out for theirselves.

The movie is a little on the dark side, and there are lots of overhead shots (you can understand why as you watch the movie--I ain't giving anything away). This movie was very "X-Files" meets The Sixth Sense. The DVD offers a special feature where you can watch the extended version of the film with an alternate ending that will definitely throw you for a loop (good idea to watch the original theatrical version first). Like I said, one of the better movies I've seen in a while. Definitely worth the price of a rental.

Cellular

Wow, aren't cell phones great? The movie starts out with Jessica Martin (Kim Basinger) being kidnapped for no reasons explained at all, and the telephone in the attic where she's being held gets smashed to pieces. She manages to rig the phone back up so she can try to "reach out and touch someone" and ends up getting a hold of Ryan, a 20-something college frat boy who's scamming on chicks and farting around on his cell phone. He dismisses Jessica at first, but eventually takes her seriously and goes on a journey to save her, her son and her husband. This movie also features William H. Macy (who's been in nearly every other movie you've seen in the last couple of years--he's like Wayne Knight!). It's an action film mixed with some light humor. My brother and I found outselves making fun of the movie MST3K style, but all in all, we enjoyed it.

I rented Friday Night Lights too, but I got distracted watching it. (I was doing some cleaning while watching.)