a paranoid rant
Feb. 29th, 2004 09:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hollybrookeDo people not like talking to me, or is this all just a coincidence, or what the hell? Because I'm getting tired of logging onto AIM and seeing five or six people log off as soon as I log on, or go on "away." And I don't know why I put this sort of stuff on my LiveJournal anyway, because no one really reads it or cares to comment on it. Phone calls are few and far in between, and no one ever emails me anymore. What the fuck is this? Do I have leprosy or something?!
What pisses me off even more is the shitty way my mother acts. I didn't want her to know I was indeed drunk last night, so I passed it off as an upset stomach. Then before she went to bed, she tells me, "I want you going to bed at a decent hour tonight, like right after the Academy Awards." WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!!! She's treating me like I'm a goddamn thirteen-year-old!! I'm 23, for the love of God!! Why can't she treat me a little more like an adult and give me some fucking freedom?! She wants to keep me around this prison forever, so I can be her slave. I can't stand this anymore. I love her, but she's driving me insane. A part of me wants to break down and yell viciously at her, blasting her for all of the shit she's putting us through. I want to tell her she has no heart, I want to tell her that she's a frigid bitch, I want to tell her that she drives people away and she has a bad attitude, but I dare not do that. I don't do it because the Bible says to "honor thy mother and thy father." I have done my best to honor her, but it's just not good enough. I'm about ready to give up.
And this house, it's not a house. It's not a home, either. It's a fucking prison. It's a prison in the middle of nowhere, where I have no contact with anybody. My mother is the warden. My father is never home, and tries to take our side and be reasonable, but what's the good of that? I hold down two jobs, I work what I can to earn money but my mother wants me to give it all to her just because my dad is having a difficult time with his current job.
I hate this place so much. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
What pisses me off even more is the shitty way my mother acts. I didn't want her to know I was indeed drunk last night, so I passed it off as an upset stomach. Then before she went to bed, she tells me, "I want you going to bed at a decent hour tonight, like right after the Academy Awards." WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!!! She's treating me like I'm a goddamn thirteen-year-old!! I'm 23, for the love of God!! Why can't she treat me a little more like an adult and give me some fucking freedom?! She wants to keep me around this prison forever, so I can be her slave. I can't stand this anymore. I love her, but she's driving me insane. A part of me wants to break down and yell viciously at her, blasting her for all of the shit she's putting us through. I want to tell her she has no heart, I want to tell her that she's a frigid bitch, I want to tell her that she drives people away and she has a bad attitude, but I dare not do that. I don't do it because the Bible says to "honor thy mother and thy father." I have done my best to honor her, but it's just not good enough. I'm about ready to give up.
And this house, it's not a house. It's not a home, either. It's a fucking prison. It's a prison in the middle of nowhere, where I have no contact with anybody. My mother is the warden. My father is never home, and tries to take our side and be reasonable, but what's the good of that? I hold down two jobs, I work what I can to earn money but my mother wants me to give it all to her just because my dad is having a difficult time with his current job.
I hate this place so much. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
